In the words of one Jackson Hole legend, “I wouldn’t say ski schoolers are hated– they’re just disrespected.” Normally identified by the color of their jacket (red coats, blue coats, ect.) these individuals seem to do everything they can to infuriate locals.
From snaking stashes to cutting lift lines, here are a few reasons why most ski bums generally hate ski schoolers.
5) They’re Constantly Snaking Lines
It’s been a week since the last snowfall and the boundary line chute continues to stay chalky thanks to a rogue southern wind. However, the only other person that knows this is Joe Ski Schooler and he’s about to take his group of 10 Long Island locals into the GNAR. Problem is– these Long Islander’s are about to cause a Long Island Expressway sized traffic jam in the middle of the chute. And it doesn’t stop there. Schooler’s will also glide to the front of any lift line as well as snake your crew’s gondi– those bastards!!!
4) Ski Schooler’s Always Know Best
It doesn’t matter if you’re Doug Coombs (aka the GOAT) himself, Joe Ski Schooler is the best skier on the mountain. His turns (and only his turns) are better than than anyone else’s. Throughout the day, Joe uses terms such as angulation, effective edge, and fall line over 100 times but what he doesn’t realize is that nobody can hear his voice because his head remains stuck up his ass.
3) The Camp Counselors Of Skiing
It goes without saying that Joe Ski Schooler is a ski-professional but due to his ‘schooler’ status, he’s also a professional cheese eater to boot. Spending all day with 5-10 year olds has literally resulted in cheese pouring from every orifice of Joe Ski Schooler’s body. From kid friendly jokes such as “How do you fix a smashed jack-o-lantern? You use a pumpkin patch,” to “why did the cookie go to the hospital? He felt crummy,” the smell of cheese emanating from most schoolers will make any hung over ski bum want to projectile vomit.
2) Role Models
For many skiers, learning the ways of the schuss in ski school is a necessity. Plain and simple, ski school is awesome for anyone’s skiing. However, many schooler’s believe they are skiing incarnate and if you don’t ski like them, you must be doing it wrong. So if you’d rather not ski like you have a stick up your ass the rest of your life, it’s probably a good idea to look to some other role models in skiing other than Joe Ski Schooler. One recommendation is watching Alberto Tomba clips on YouTube.
1) They’re Schoolers…
They claim to work on skis. They claim to have the best jobs on the planet. And they claim to be the best skiers on the mountain. In reality, Joe Ski Schooler spends most of his days waiting around on the easiest runs on the mountain, changing poop filled bibs, and getting called up for a lesson on the best powder day of the year. Bottomline, they’re ski schoolers…
Also Read: 6 Days To Avoid At The Ski Resort