Unofficial News: Double Black Diamond Skier Confused Why Friends Don't Consider Him An "Expert"

Unofficial News: Double Black Diamond Skier Confused Why Friends Don't Consider Him An "Expert"


Unofficial News: Double Black Diamond Skier Confused Why Friends Don't Consider Him An "Expert"


A Vail skier who frequents many of the Back Bowl’s “steepest and deepest” double black diamonds was flabbergasted to find out that his friend doesn’t consider him “an expert skier.

The discovery occurred when Bill Hacker, a 2nd home owner in Vail Village, invited some of his former work friends up from the front range for, “a weekend of ski-in, ski-out.” Hacker currently lives in Dallas but says, “I’ve been spending more and more time up here since the divorce and now that the kids are in college– why not?” 

This season, he’s notched 45 days on the slopes and is feeling pretty stoked on his abilities sources say.

Upon arriving at the semi-lavish duplex, an estranged friend and former coworker of Hacker now living in Denver, Tom Snarf couldn’t help but laugh when he noticed a small sign on the stoop– ‘ski bum lives here.’

“To say that Bill is a ski bum is about as Vail as it gets,” Snarf recounted to Unofficial Networks. “That guy’s been in oil and gas since day #1.”

Convening in the kitchen, the crew opened beers and began catching up. Following a recap of the latest divorce proceedings, Hacker decided to grill his long-lost ski buddies on their skiing abilities. “So Tom hows your skiing holding up?” 

“It’s okay, getting older; not as many bumps these days but I keep up.”

A smirking Hacker quickly waded back into the conversation claiming, “boys– I gotta tell you, I feel like I’m skiing better than ever. I always knew I was an expert but something’s changed. I feel better than ever on the sticks.”

The response drew heightened eye brows from the rest of the men in the room and the prolonged silence afterwards was “as awkward as a fart during sex,” Snarf later told UN.

“What’s that look for? I ski double black diamonds,” shot back Hacker.

“Listen buddy, I don’t think you’re a horrible skier but I wouldn’t call you an expert skier either,” replied Snarf. Snarf still regularly skis backcountry on Berthoud Pass as well as inbounds at Mary Jane.

During a chairlift ride the following day, Hacker pressed one of the other friends about the comment from the previous night. “Do you really think I’m not an expert, I mean I can make it down China Bowl, Prima, and Riva’s– those are blacks and double blacks! Shit, I can make it down anything at Vail!”

The friend just muttered barely, “yeah, I’d guess I’d say you’re an expert Bill.”

“THANK YOU, I thought I was taking crazy pills over here,” replied an obviously irritated Hacker.

The friends were last seen waiting at the bottom of the lift for their host, who needed to catch his breath multiple times in Sun Down Bowl™, a run Snarf claims would be a “blue square” at Mary Jane.

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