by: el Pinche Yanqui de Mierda…aka Rich Quintero
If you think you’re a “Hardcore Skier” and you’ve never taken a summer off to ski in South America, then I’ve got news for ya: you’re a f#$king fake.
Common Lame-Ass Excuses for NOT Going to South America to Ski:
1. “I’m a broke-ass-ski-bum, how am I gonna pay for a trip like that?”
Thousands of other “broke-ass-ski-bums” have made the same pilgrimage with even less money than you. And there is a little thing called a credit card. Rack up a huge bill and join the club of “in-debt-ass-yet-hardcore-ski-bums.”
2. “I really enjoy all four seasons.”
Stop right there. If you give a SHIT about summer, then you’ve already lost all capacity to claim any form of hardcore skierdom.
3. “I don’t know how to speak Spanish and the logistics sound daunting.”
Now, you’re just being a pussy. Buy a flight, look no further into anything, JUST GO & figure it out there.
4. “I’ve gotta work, dude.”
Welp, if you put work before skiing, then you’ve already blown your cover…badly.
5. “I don’t have a passport”
Ok, sack the f#$k up and leave the country…in any form. Dammit man, you from Nebraska or something?
6. “I can’t handle the the 49.67 hours of travel to get from Boston to a South American ski resort.”
I’m not even sure how to respond. But, this is the one you hear the most. Yeah, traveling down here blows, but once you’re actually in country, it’s a surreal experience that will burn more memories into your brain than any northern ski sojourn ever will.
Why You Need to Ski South America:
1 – It’s summertime…and your skiing pow, ‘nuff said.
2 – You’re getting better at skiing, learning new tricks, enjoying the mouthfeel of faceshots, and pushing your skiing while everyone else is waiting tables, getting sunburned and fat while tearing up their livers in the northland.
3 – You’re skiing in a place where EVERYTHING is different: You’ll constantly be speaking Spanish, figuring out where to stay, meeting the most gorgeous girls of your life, skiing high altitude treeless moonscapes, battling bamboo, mobbing dark south faces, riding overnight buses, ripping perfectly spaced deciduous trees, and seeing it snow harder than you’ve ever seen it snow before (if you go to Patagonia).
4 – I can guarantee you that a summer in South America, whether skiing or not, will be the most interesting/best experience of your life. Don’t argue with me. Experiences are the most valuable things that exist. Nothing can touch them, compare to them, nor take them away.
As Warren Miller has always told you “If you don’t do it this year, you’ll only be one year older when you do.”
…and you’ve already f$%ked up this year, so you’ll definitely be one year older than you are right now
…don’t make it two.
