Being a red-blooded American, I naturally hate public transportation. As far as I’m concerned, this is ‘Merica and if I need to go somewhere I will drive. This is the greatest country in the world, and I’ll tramp about it on my schedule, not somebody else’s. Then it hit me: Dexter, you ride the Jackson tram, and isn’t the tram essentially public transportation? And what about other lifts? And the shuttle from the Ranch lot? Aren’t all these, in a way, public? Needless to say my American values were shaken to the core. I couldn’t ski for the rest of the day.
I tried to distract myself by pounding a half dozen PBRs while spraying the sh&* out of the VC. Telling total strangers how rad I’d gotten that day helped, but at home my thoughts returned to how I’d unknowingly slipped into some sort or European based, socialistic hell. So I drank some Whiskey and watched some Monday Night Football. Then it hit me: Swedish chicks are super hot. And Swedes are socialists. And socialists ride public transportation. Therefore, I’d ride public transportation to get hot Swedish chicks.
The next day, I showed up promptly at 8:18AM to catch the START bus in front of K-Mart, one of my favorite stores. There was the bus, promptly at 8:19AM. So far, so good. We only stopped two more times between the ‘Mart and the village, and it dropped me off right at the tram! It only took me moments longer than if I’d driven myself. After bringing the mountain to its knees all day, and thoroughly spraying the VC again, I showed up to catch the bus again at 5:35PM. It was right on time and I got a pleasant, timely ride home, without having to risk an 8th DUI.
Although my hypothesis about the correlation between using public transportation and meeting hot Swedish chicks proved to be false, I’m sold on the START bus. It takes you basically wherever you need to go, it’s on time, and it’s relaxing. If you’re in Jackson, I’d recommend taking advantage of this socialist influence. Sure you loose out on the fact that you can’t show off your new sled in the back of your truck to everyone in town but, who knows, you might meet a hot Swedish chick.