Have you ever watched a movie and wondered what the characters would be like in real life? I know I have, and I often extend this thought into how these characters would ski. While watching the original Star Wars trilogy for the 3,720th time, I wondered what these iconic characters would be like on the slopes. As the Unofficial Star Wars Expert (trademark pending) with the very legal last name of Solo, this is how I imagine the original Star Wars characters skied:
Darth Vader: Vader can go faster than you, and he will make sure you know it. He will rip past you at full speed as close as he can, both to cut you off and remind you that you suck. He has multiple pairs of Stocklis and Kastles because he has money. Vader’s favorite place to ski is Vail.
Luke Skywalker: Luke is just happy to be included in the group activity, though you would never know it because he won’t stop complaining. When everyone wants to go down a black run, he will whine and say he would rather take the blue so he can pick up some power converters. Luke has some super basic skis that are too short for him, which he bought from a know-nothing teenager at the mega outdoor store: (name redacted).
Han Solo: Han is drunk. His pockets are filled with enough cans to make you think he robbed a 7-Eleven (which he did). He gets lost frequently, yet he somehow always appears at the bar just in time for the shot ski. Han has used skis he “borrowed” from a buddy, though he loses them every time he goes into the trees.
Leia Organa: Leia’s sole purpose for skiing is to remind you that women exist. She is fast in any terrain and easily is the most aggressive skier on the mountain. She doesn’t have to tell you how good she is because she smokes you down every run. Leia is edgy and consistently flaunts the fact that she is on men’s skis.
Lando Calrissian: Leia doesn’t trust Lando, and for good reason. He is on the slopes only to pick up chicks. He likes to give free ski lessons to any girl he meets. His skiing is as smooth as his pickup lines; his style is classic and his knees are glued together (unlike the women he meets, hopefully). Lando is on his original 80’s straight skis because they have always brought him luck.
Obiwan Kenobi: Ben made sure he was there for first chair, but then the guy ghosted. He was a shining star of the first tracks of the day, and then he was gone. He had the foresight to know the runs were about to get crazy, so he left before the real action started. Is he the best skier? Yes. Did you see him ski? No.
C-3PO: C-3PO is here to remind you that skiing is dangerous. He is well versed in over a million reasons why you should be wearing a helmet. He only takes lessons and asks his instructor way too many questions. C-3PO uses rental skis, as they are a good financial decision when bundled with lessons.
R2D2: R2D2 is the mogul kid that can ski better than you. He can do any aerial trick imaginable, mainly because he has little jetpacks for feet. He can ski the moguls with only one ski, a feat that hurts your knees just to watch. R2D2 has a massive potty mouth and is quick to sling an insult your way. He has mini Bent Chetlers because he’s a tool.
Yoda: Every mountain has an old-guy legend. This guy started skiing before chairlifts were invented. Everyone wants to be him and everyone wants to see him ski. Unfortunately, he is tired in his old age and actually seeing him is rare.
Want more Star Wars and skiing crossover content? Check out these videos of Darth Vader on the slopes and AT-ATs attacking a skier. Don’t forget to deck yourself out in the Star Wars branded winter gear from Columbia and DC.
Photos Courtesy of Mark Hamill and Star Wars