Where Are They Now: Hot Dog… The Movie
By, Barclay Idsal
Harkin Banks: With the freestyle world championship in tow and Silvia and Sunny on his belt, Harkin Banks continued to compete in freestyle events around the world. Harkin became the very first American “Dogger” to win events in Europe and thus find global recognition amongst a World Cup circuit dominated by creepy, sauna-dwelling Austrians. However, competition took its toll and Harkin was ultimately drawn away from competition by his guitar. Although his original songs were never critically accepted, Harkin found solace in a dusty Reno nightclub, playing John Denver covers and occasionally slipping in an original between “Thank God I’m a Country Boy” and “Rocky Mountain High.” According to rumors, Harkin is currently shacking up with a Dolly Parton impersonator at the Circus Circus Hotel and Casino. Cheers kid!
Sunny: After finding fleeting love with Harkin Banks, Sunny put Squaw Valley in the rearview and headed to San Francisco. With an independent attitude unable to be tamed by any mere man, Sunny kept expanding her mind until one day; she expanded onto a Guns and Roses stage at the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum and was never seen again.
Dan O’Callaghan: While the drinks kept flowing for ol’ Dan O’Callaghan, the competitions soon stopped for the veteran Dogger turned nail-pounding Squaw Valley local. Nowadays, Dan can be found at the Chamois, drinking champagne, sporting a Mets hat, and talking about who is standing out at this year’s qualifier.
Rudolph “Rudi” Garmisch: Following his demise at the hands of Harkin Banks, Garmisch relocated to Vail, where he took over as head race coach at Vail Mountain Academy from 1985-1989. At the academy, Rudi implemented his infamous sauna gatherings as a pivotal team building exercise for the ladies’ high school race team. According to sources within the ski academy, Garmisch inappropriately massaged a 17 year-old female student during one of his sauna-based “initiatives.” When the unnamed female victim resisted, Garmisch reportedly told her, “just relax… this is why we are here.” Rudi was subsequently convicted of 1st degree Sexual Assault and after serving 1 year at the Sterling Correctional Facility, was deported back to his native home of Austria. Now, Rudi skis whatever side of Ze mountain he wants but will never ski in America again.
Squirrel Murphy: Squirrel continued his abrasive come-ons and reportedly received over 897 slaps to the face during his time on the professional circuit. While traveling in Canada, Squirrel became enamored with the town of Banff and its wild women. Once in Canada, his uninhibited sexual questions such as, “so I guess a fuck is out of the question?” we’re accepted as commonplace Canadian language. Squirrel was thus crowned the STD king of Banff for the remainder of the 1980’s. To this day, Squirrel can be found at the ski patrol clinic, getting hookups on medical grade salve for genital warts.
Silvia Fonda: After Harkin reunited with Sunny for what turned out to be a short lived romance, Silvia promptly moved from Squaw Valley to Hollywood, where her attitude, personality, and looks made her instantly famous. Silvia eventually changed her name to Shannon Tweed and was named the Playboy Playmate of the Year. Today, she is married to Gene Simmons. Yikes.
Watch: Hot Dog… The Movie