Chairlift 101: Get Loaded, Get High, Get Off.

Chairlift 101: Get Loaded, Get High, Get Off.

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Chairlift 101: Get Loaded, Get High, Get Off.

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By Barclay Idsal | 7/25/14

The first time is scary for all of us. Here are a few pointers to get you loaded, get you high, and get you off the chairlift, ACL intact.

1) Follow the leader.

You’re here, skis on. You found the lift and the first question you need to ask yourself is “who looks like they have a clue?” Avoid riding lifts with these clueless sub-groups:

• FAMILIES: Even if you perform all the following steps right, little Tommy age 10 will have none of it, he’s going right and you’re going left, classic case of him or you.

• FOREIGN ACCENTS: If they can’t understand you, they can’t save you.

• THREE SNOWBOARDERS: One doesn’t know where they’re going let alone three so how will you?

2) Meet and Greet.

Now that you’ve avoided the above-mentioned sub-groups, look up. Greet the people who you wish to ride with and ask, “Do you mind if I ride with you?” Once in the loading zone, keep skis perpendicular to the lift’s chair. Align your buttocks with the chair as you aim to take a seat. Boom! You’re on and the lady or man sitting next to you sends a mischievous smile in your direction.

3) Flying High.

So you’re sitting on a chairlift, pretty cool eh? Luckily, you picked the right people in the lift line and they take your mind off the height as the protective bar comes down (don’t be afraid to bring the bartender down but also riding bar-free the first time is a good way to get used to the sensation (see SKITAOS). The rest of the ride you’re flying! But Wait! Your chair is already arriving at its destination… The bar comes up… what are you going to do?

4) Get Off.

It’s okay to make compromises. Talk to the folks on the lift. If there happens to be one lift mate that is particularly good looking, drop your cell phone in said person’s hoodie and call around 4pm… hope they answer. But make a compromise people… say, “I’m going left,” if you’re on the left and wait for people make their move and let gravity naturally slide you to safety. You’re here… Safely. Now how will you get down this godforsaken hill?

The Next Lesson: Chairlifts 201. Lessons in T-Bar Transportation. Skiing’s Crucifix.

Photo by, Mr. Green via Shutterstock

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