(ZERMATT, Switzerland)- May 3, 2011- In a surprising move today, the UIAGM (A.K.A. IFMGA, IVBV) voted to annotate all first descents made with Dynafit bindings. The UIAGM, essentially the rule-writers for mountaineers throughout the world, made the decision based on the legitimacy of descents made with the ultra-lightweight binding. The major debate stems from mountaineers- with virtually no downhill skiing knowledge- utilizing the bindings for fast ascents, essentially side-slipping back down, and then claiming “first descents.”
“It’s getting to a point where these jacka**es with their light ass bindings are making a f***ing mockery of downhill skiing [sic],” said one UIAGM official who asked not to be named. “There’s a big f***ing difference between actually skiing a descent and merely surviving it, and I for one had had enough of these no talent a** clowns side-slipping for 1,000 meters and claiming a first descent [sic],” the official continued.
Where historically possible, all first descents will be annotated with an “*” to denote the questionability of the feat. For future descents, skiers will have to document their equipment, much as they would document their presence at the summit with a photograph.
“It’s a very bitter sweet day for me,” said another UIAGM official. “In the one sense we’re being picky, but in another we’re making a statement that we want to see people skiing these mountains, not just side slipping down.” Comparing the Dynafit fiasco to current scandals in the road biking world, the official continued, “It’s much easier to just assume that if you’re on Dynafits you’re probably not charging that hard than to look at each descent to see if you actually made more than one f***ing turn.”
Reaction from the mountaineering community is expected to be mixed. While traditional alpinists, who prefer the ultra light bindings, are expected to be frustrated, emerging, younger crowds of climbers are expected to rejoice over the distinction between skiing something, and hacking it.