So I guess we’re going to stop using misletoe altogether too? | Photo: Keith HInkle

Millennials are in the process of killing a Christmas Classic.

In addition to murdering mayo (*my favorite condiment), print journalism, and ESPN, Millennials are on their way to finishing off the classic winter tune, ‘Baby It’s Cold Outside’ once and for all.

While it can easily be argued that some of the lyrics below (*highlighted in red) are akin to sexual assault, it’s completely ridiculous to hold some of these beautifully antiquated lines up to 21st century standards.

‘Baby It’s Cold Outside’ Lyrics:

I really can’t stay (Baby it’s cold outside)
I gotta go away (Baby it’s cold outside)
This evening has been (Been hoping that you’d dropped in)
So very nice (I’ll hold your hands they’re just like ice)
My mother will start to worry (Beautiful what’s your hurry?)
My father will be pacing the floor (Listen to the fireplace roar)
So really I’d better scurry (Beautiful please don’t hurry)
Well maybe just a half a drink more (I’ll put some records on while I pour)
The neighbors might think (Baby it’s bad out there)
Say what’s in this drink? (No cabs to be had out there)
I wish I knew how (Your eyes are like starlight now)
To break this spell (I’ll take your hat, your hair looks swell) (Why thank you)
I ought to say no, no, no sir (Mind if move in closer?)
At least I’m gonna say that I tried (What’s the sense of hurtin’ my pride?)
I really can’t stay (Baby don’t hold out)
Baby it’s cold outside
Ah, you’re very pushy you know?
I like to think of it as opportunistic
I simply must go (Baby it’s cold outside)
The answer is no (But baby it’s cold outside)
The welcome has been (How lucky that you dropped in)
So nice and warm (Look out the window at that storm)
My sister will be suspicious (Gosh your lips look delicious!)
My brother will be there at the door (Waves upon a tropical shore)
My maiden aunt’s mind is vicious (Gosh your lips are delicious!)
Well maybe just a cigarette more (Never such a blizzard before) (And I don’t even smoke)
I’ve got to get home (Baby you’ll freeze out there)
Say lend me a coat? (It’s up to your knees out there!)
You’ve really been grand, (I feel when I touch your hand)
But don’t you see? (How can you do this thing to me?)
There’s bound to be talk tomorrow (Think of my life long sorrow!)
At least there will be plenty implied (If you caught pneumonia and died!)
I really can’t stay (Get over that old out)
Baby it’s cold
Baby it’s cold outside
Okay fine, just another drink then
That took a lot of convincing!

While that argument is certainly valid, I’m going to argue the opposite. For one, the most contentious line of the song, “say what’s in this drink” was a phrase commonly used to blame one’s own actions on alcohol and secondly– “the roofie” didn’t become widespread until the 1990’s. ‘Baby It’s Cold Outside’ was written in 1944 by Frank Loessner and his wife, Lynn Garland.

Instead I say this– ‘Baby It’s Cold Outside’ is a classic tale of an arrogant man unsuccessfully attempting to woo a perfectly independent young woman, who is more in more control than the he could ever be (*insert dramatic irony here).

Especially when you consider that the author of the tune, Frank Loessner wrote the duet to be performed at holiday parties along with his wife to mark the end of a shindig– this song couldn’t be more innocent.

If millennials decide to go through with the demolition of the wonderfully imperfect ‘Baby It’s Cold Outside’, I only see the man-made rift (*see what I did there) between the genders getting wider and more contentious. Let’s please not do that….

And how– just how can you hate this version by Dean Martin…

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