Unofficial News: Monday Morning Powder Shots Cause Boston Skier's Instagram Following To Fall 25%

Unofficial News: Monday Morning Powder Shots Cause Boston Skier's Instagram Following To Fall 25%

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Unofficial News: Monday Morning Powder Shots Cause Boston Skier's Instagram Following To Fall 25%

More pow = less followers | Photo: Bret Gentry

After capturing a couple of banger powder shots on a Monday this past March, the last thing Bret Gentry expected to happen was his number of Instagram followers to plummet. Turns out Mr. Gentry doesn’t quite understand the power of jealousy.

Upon timing his powder chase annoyingly perfect, Bret arrived at the Salt Lake City Airport on Sunday afternoon to city snowfall that continued for the entire drive up Little Cottonwood Canyon. Upon checking into the Cliff Lodge at Snowbird, the bellman confirmed the visiting skier’s elation. “DUDE, tomorrow is going to be all-time. You might have just picked the best day of the year to come skiing.”

That comment sent the pediatric doctor into full-fledged smug mode, a fact made clear by the asshole grin that immediately appeared on the lucky, fuck head’s face. The next day Gentry teamed up with an old friend who does contracting in Salt Lake but has the ability to “lap it up” if it “snows more than a foot on the work-site.” Those lucky mother fuckers…

Upon arriving at the tram-dock, the two were blown away to see only 10 people in line for ‘first tram’ at roughly 8am. Gentry’s friend captured the moment via Instagram post saying, “when it snows more than the # of people in tram line #MondayBlues.”

The two would ultimately shred the living shit out of nearly every corner of Snowbird including a rope drop into Mineral Basin, opening up Great Scott alongside ski patrol, as well as a massive cliff huck into the Cirque that Gentry would later caption as “the biggest air of my life with the best landing imaginable #HuckYourMonday.”

After calling it the best day ever over 82 times, the two ultimately headed to the Peruvian up the road where they continued their revelry into the evening hours before stumbling precariously back down the road to the Cliff Lodge.

However after saying goodbye to his friend and heading up to room 645, the lucky SOB realized something was off. While riding up the elevator, he noticed that his post to Instagram, which included 10 stacked shots, was only sporting 9 likes. Futhermore, his following had plummeted more than 25% as well, going from 1005 followers to 740 in a matter of hours.

A coworker and skier partner of Gentry back east later said he wasn’t surprised by the downturn. “Did you see that post? It was without a doubt the most self-righteous caption I’ve ever seen. Seriously– fuck that guy.”

Shortly after this article was published, Gentry told Unofficial Networks, “I didn’t realize my friends were such jealous d-bags, so much for believing Instagram is about sharing your good times with others…”

*This is a work of satire

Also Read: Steven Spielberg To Direct Aspen Extreme 2 Featuring Ryan Gosling as Dex’s Son

 

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