Mitch Banner, a recent transplant to Summit County, CO is prepping for his first ski season in the mountains by signing up for “Ski Fitness: Full Body Interval Training” at the Silverthorne Recreation Center.
Yet unbeknownst to the course’s instructor, Banner will only attend two sessions before shying away from the workout regiment. Instead, he’ll slide back into his 5pm routine of sitting on the couch, watching ski porn, and drinking hoppy, fart-inducing beer instead of prepping his body for ski season.
In the past, the 38 year-old male signed up for various classes in urban centers such as Chicago and Denver only to eat the cost by attending just two sessions at each. Those commitments included 6 months worth of yoga, 1 month of cross-fit, and a 3 month membership at 24-Hour Fitness.
Now living in the mountains, not much has changed for Mitch Banner. In fact he’s already shelled out $325 for the ski fitness class even though he knows in his heart of hearts there isn’t a chance in hell of attending even half of the sessions. Still he’s not backing down.
Unofficial Networks caught up with the man at his regularly scheduled 5pm couch time where he told this reporter, “I’m going to give it a try. Hopefully the instructor doesn’t suck.” Banner was last seen on the couch watching MSP’s ‘Yearbook‘, yelling “I could totally ski that” before taking a bong load to the face.
*This is a work of satire