A wildfire near Centreville, UT was first reported on Sunday night July 3rd. The cause of the fire is still under investigation, but authorities are looking at fireworks as the most likely culprit.
Centreville is a northern suburb of Salt Lake City, UT.
Homes were evacuated on Sunday morning, but residents were allowed to return later that day after the fire shifted directions.
The fire has burned 128 acres and is 0% contained as of this morning.
Fireworks are not banned in Utah, and many residents are enraged considering the record drought that has plagued the state over the last couple of years.
I don’t know what would possess somebody in Utah to light fireworks during a record drought. I mean, they don’t really drink alcohol, right? We can almost certainly rule out that these fireworks were lit in a drunken stupor.
So, here’s my totally legit, not stupid theory.
Two mormon men in Centreville were arguing over which family would host the 4th of July BBQ. Rather than settle the argument with violence like civilized modern men, the two decided to see who could out-4th-of-July each other.
They started by having a hot dog grill-off that involved a lot of swear word alternatives being muttered under their breaths. Things got heated when they tried to prove who had the better selection of diet sodas for guests to drink, and the debate exploded when it came to fireworks.
They got caught up in the heat of battle and couldn’t let out their pent-up energy using other methods because they simply couldn’t afford to impregnate their respective wives for a 14th time.
Their desire to out-Dad each other led them to act irrationally and light fireworks during a record drought. That’s the only logical explanation I can think of.