The Rocky Mountain Epic Resort [A piece of satire by Barclay Idsal]

The Rocky Mountain Epic Resort [A piece of satire by Barclay Idsal]


The Rocky Mountain Epic Resort [A piece of satire by Barclay Idsal]



Vail Resorts Plans to Connect All 5 of Their Colorado Resorts!

By, Barclay Idsal

*note: the following is a piece of satire by Barclay Idsal. We have no knowledge at this time that Vail really is going to connect all 5 of their Colorado resorts.

Broomfield, CO- After acquiring Park City Mountain Resort this past week, Talisker Land Holdings and Vail Resorts are moving forward in a grand plan they have titled “The Rocky Mountain Epic Resort.”

Inspired by high-speed European train systems and American capabilities to clear vast amounts of forested terrain, Vail Resorts is planning to connect all 5 of their Colorado based resorts!

Using a series of aerial tramways that will span over 1,000 miles and travel at speeds up to 70mph, “The Rocky Mountain Epic Resort” will allow visitors and pass holders to move between resorts in a single day. Never before has a pass holder been able to master this amount of “intermediate” terrain under one pass, in one day.

Breckenridge visitors no longer have to wait in one line but instead will be able to ferry via tram to nearby Keystone where they can sit in line yet again.

But it doesn’t stop there.

By implementing high-speed tram cars that will cross mountain ranges in a single ride, visitors will be able to shuttle from Arapahoe Basin to Vail in an hour− Then back to Beaver Creek, where they can injure themselves on the last run of the day (Birds of Prey) and/or get free cookies at the base when lifts close.

It comes as no surprise that the leader in mountain hospitality is blazing trails yet again in a scheme that can only be called EPIC.

The cost?

A cool 980 million dollars, which Vail Resorts will collect over the upcoming years through over-priced Bloody Mary’s, parking revenue, and of course… government loans.

The plan is slotted for completion just prior to the 2019-2020 ski season, which according to the Farmer’s Almanac will be a La Niña year. It’s well known that La Niña storms can dump up to 6 inches on these locations in a single day!

So get ready skiers and riders.

It looks like Colorado is about to have it all.

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