Ski Bum Claims, 'I'm Not Some F*cking Trustafarian'

Ski Bum Claims, 'I'm Not Some F*cking Trustafarian'

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Ski Bum Claims, 'I'm Not Some F*cking Trustafarian'

A recent confrontation between Sun Valley’s Theodore James Ainsley IV and a close friend at an offseason party is sparking a debate as to whether or not the Connecticut transplant is a “Trustafarian” as his friend claims.

The accusation was issued by South Dakota native Ed Jones, who says Ainsley’s claim that it would be “hard to pay rent this month” after going mountain biking in Moab last month is ridiculous.  “Dude you don’t have money problems, shut the fuck up,” said the drunk SD native who comes from an upper middle class family.

trust·a·far·i·an (noun) a wealthy young person who adopts an alternative lifestyle incorporating elements from non-Western cultures. (See: Phish Fans)

James fired back saying, “you don’t know shit about me man, I work hard so I can live here,” adding that he had recently applied for a third job. “I’m serving two days a week, I have a part-time job at ski school and I got a new caretaker gig on the side.” 

The skeptical Jones laughed and drew the final straw, “you haven’t worked more than 8 hours straight in your entire life.”

That statement forced Ainsley from the party but before he slammed the door he shouted back at the party, “I’m not some fucking Trustafarian!” In order to put this issue to rest, Unofficial Networks has since employed a team of fact-checkers to separate what is true from what is false.

FACT CHECK: Ski Bum Claims, ‘I’m Not Some F*cking Trustafarian’

  • TRUE: “You don’t know shit about me man”

This statement is true. Ed Jones continues to have no idea how filthy rich this dude really is.

  • FALSE:“I work hard so I can live here”

Ainsley’s elderly family members worked hard so he can live in Sun Valley although they’d prefer he “get a real job and quit the dope”

  • FALSE: “Hard to pay rent this month”

Annual royalty checks from the family trust exceed his rent total by a whopping $100,456.23

  • FALSE:“I got a new caretaker gig on the side”

Spending the off night at your Aunt’s 6.2 million dollar custom-built log home does qualify as a “caretaker gig” 

  • PARTIALLY TRUE: “Not only am I serving two days a week, I have a part-time job at ski school

This statement is partially true. While Ainsley does serve two days a week at a local fine dining establishment, he is no longer listed as a ski school employee. After no-calling, no-showing to 9am lineup over the Christmas Holiday last year, he was promptly fired. However, he was recently told by the new ski school director that he might get his job back, depending on how many new employees no-call, no-show before the holiday season this year.

  • TRUE: “I’m not some fucking Trustafarian!”

Ainsley is not a trustworthy Rastafarian.

  • FALSE: “I’m not some fucking Trustafarian!”

As a member of the 23rd richest family in America and avid fan of the Rastafarian sacrament– marijuana, Ted is in fact a “Trustafarian.”*This is a work of satire

 

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