Dear idiots at Unofficial Networks,
As an avid adventurer, I have had the privilege of exploring some of the world’s most exciting and exotic destinations. And I must say, I’ve seen my fair share of ski resorts over the years.
Now, I don’t know if you guys are high or what, but this “Less lattes, more pumas and tea bars!” phrase, idea, slogan (whatever you want to call it) that you throw around is the dumbest thing you dimwits have preached on your rag of a publication. I mean, it literally makes no sense, but you insist on constantly using it.
I mean, More Pumas!? Picture yourself carving through the powder, the wind in your hair, the thrill of the mountain coursing through your veins. And then, out of nowhere, a sleek and powerful puma appears, leaping and bounding through the snow like it owns the place. Sure, it would be an adrenaline rush, but it also might bite your head off. Or do you mean keeping pumas in captivity at the base lodge? This would make more sense, I guess, but also a dumb idea.
And as for tea bars, well, let’s face it: no one wants tea after skiing. You guys probably don’t know this but this is a tradition in the Alps called apres skiing and it sure as hell has nothing to do with tea.
Lock it up, fellows!