Gaper day at Whistler. photo: jamie bond
Gaper day at Whistler. photo: jamie bond

by Thomas Como

Top 10 Reasons You’re A Gaper


#10.  Neon – Unless you are wearing an outfit that your sponsors fitted you in, give it up. There is a reason its retro.

#9.  Rear Entry Boots – The only time the words rear entry should be spoken is in the bedroom.

#8.  Ski Boots during Apres – Nothing says you’re a gaper more than the poor planning of not having after ski shoes at your disposal.

#7.  Stupid Questions – Where’s the machine that makes all them moguls? How about what planet are you from?

#6.  Skiing with a backpack – What the fu*k is in the pack? You’re not Scot Schmidt and FYI, just cause you have a bunch of straps hanging off your pack does not make you look like a mountaineer.


#5.  Portable Radios – If you have to be in touch with your friends and family that bad, are you really on vacation? Ditch the leash ya gaper.

#4.  Balaclavas – Really? And don’t think you’re off the hook if you’re swapping it out with a bandanna.

#3.  Camel Backs – Hey guys, you’re skiing at a resort. If you’re ever more than 1 chair ride from a bar or drinking fountain…. you’re lost.

#2.  Skiing in Jeans – Unless accompanied with your Starter Jacket from 1991, you’re a gaper.

#1.  License Plates – If you live in west of the Rockies and you have Vermont, New Hampshire, New York or Ontario license plates, you’re a gaper!

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202 replies on “Top 10 Reasons You’re A Gaper”