*This is a work of satire.
In a new study that delves into the meteorological mechanisms behind the southern oscillation climate pattern, NOAA officials are now 100% sure there will be a 65% chance of a El Niño affecting the northern hemisphere by the end of the calendar year.
According to the Union For Mindful Meteorological Science, the claim is now 100% verified.
The new estimate comes on the heels of groundbreaking research into the effects forecasts have on the weather. The study, which was co-authored by TV weather personalities Jim Cantore and Al Roker, shows how probability estimates actually affect sea surface temperatures far out in the Pacific Ocean.
“It all starts with a prediction. And then the weather changes ever so slightly in the prediction’s favor,” said Roker with his chin placed gently on a closed fist. The Today Show host continued by indicating, “the science is the science of statistics and how those stats affect the chances of a El Niño.”
Q: How Sure Are They El Niño Is Likely To Occur This Winter?
“We’re 100% sure that there’s a 65% chance of El Niño for the 2016/2017 ski season,” Cantore replied. He went on to add that it is most likely going to give the east coast record snow.
Roker told this reporter that Gore Mountain in New York State will be having a record year as news of a 50% chance of a 17′ snow season sweeps across north Jersey. Meanwhile in the west, Snowfall will return to the Sierra with predictions increasing the chances of a record breaking winter to 40%.
“All that snowfall has a 75% chance of curing California’s drought and putting water back in the pools of southern California– where it belongs.” – Al Roker
Cantore chimed towards the end of the interview saying, “there’s a 65% chance of thundersnow, so we got that going for us.”
Find future updates on La Niña here: www.UnofficialNetworks.com