Unofficial Report: Majority Of Pro Skiers/Snowboarders Not Taking Life Seriously Enough

Unofficial Report: Majority Of Pro Skiers/Snowboarders Not Taking Life Seriously Enough

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Unofficial Report: Majority Of Pro Skiers/Snowboarders Not Taking Life Seriously Enough

When getting pitted is all that matters. | Photo (+Cover): Unofficial Networks

A new study is shedding light on a dire psychological condition that’s sweeping the pro skier demographic. Mountain dwellers who claim to make their living as “pro skiers” or “pro snowboarders” are not taking life and its actual responsibilities seriously enough.

The research backed study indicates such athletes lack the prerequisite attention spans towards the meaningful things in life. These include developing a set of profession specific skills outside of skiing, supporting a family, and pursuing cultural enrichment through the arts.

“What we found is that ‘pro skiers’ are fighting mental battles day in and day out– all the while telling themselves they’re ‘living the dream’,” said lead researcher, Dan Spora. Spora explains that, “in reality, their dream is often a normal person’s nightmare. Shirking all emotional and fiscal responsibilities to focus on getting on the next trip to Alaska or Japan isn’t possible for the normal, emotionally healthy American.”

He says the emotional stress that goes along with skiing professionally expresses itself via constantly updating Instagram profiles, whose photos include long-winded captions about how him/her view themselves and the world around them.

“For these pro skiers to think that anyone is hanging on every word of their inane Snapchats and self-righteous Instagram posts is bonkers; and that’s coming from a psychologist.”

Spora emphasizes that “such extreme narcissism combined with lack of care for life’s actual concerns is totally new to us.” He said these subjects may require up to 10 years of immersion in a real life, urban work atmosphere to realize how full of shit they truly are.

*This is a work of satire.

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