29 year-old powder hound Matt Giuseppe of Burlington, VT is feeling the heat from his wife of 3 years after blanking on Valentine’s day plans they’d made a week prior.
According to friends of the scolded husband, Giuseppe had been skiing all day long during what his friends would later refer to as, “a bell-2-bell powder day we’ll tell our grandkids about.”
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Unfortunately kids and grandkids may be out of the question for this ski bum. Following a day spent blowing up magical powder piles at Stowe, Giuseppe later blanked on his preordained evening of underwhelming tapas plates followed immediately by the community theatre production of Some Like It Hot.
Those equally lame plans were both subconsciously and blamelessly jettisoned from the husband’s mind and as a result his balls are under attack.
Upon returning home a whole 30 minutes after they were supposed to go to dinner, Laura Giuseppe-Flowers laid into her husband calling him a “god damn ski nerd” before telling him, “it’s going to be a long time before you get laid mister.” Matt Giuseppe was last seen at the Trader Joe’s on Dorset Street picking up roses and a pre-made Oreo-flavored, ice cream cake.
*This is a work of satire