Brawl Breaks Out @SLC Bar Following 'Pro Callout'

Brawl Breaks Out @SLC Bar Following 'Pro Callout'


Brawl Breaks Out @SLC Bar Following 'Pro Callout'


Apparently career snow sliders need a little more experience with comic relief as evidenced in a recent bar-room beat-down that broke out between a server and multiple professional ski athletes in Sandy, UT.

Related: 42-Year-old Bartender Is Throwing ‘I’m Not Leaving This Ski Town’ Party

According to police record, the whole incident started at 5:30pm on Friday when a young skier entered the Catamount Pub and Grill. Upon walking through the saloon’s doors, 21 year-old college student Doug Houser noticed that the man to his right was none other than professional big mountain skier and North Face athlete Chris Fâge.

“You’re Chris Fâge?” asked the college undergrad and Alta season pass holder. Before Fâge could reply, Houser went on to add “I’m so much better than you.”

Turning toward Houser and sporting a cocky smile, the pro skier calmly replied, “get out of my way kid.”

“No seriously, I’m so much better than you, I can’t believe you’re a pro!”

At that point, half the bar turned and stared down Houser.

“I had no idea so many people considered themselves pro’s… boy was I wrong” recalled a black-eyed Houser from a hospital bed a day after the incident.

Fâge, who just won ‘Line of the Year’ at the Powder Awards this past year, led the beat-down authorities say. As Houser was getting beat to a pulp, the pro repeatedly shouted “What I do is serious business,” adding “you’re not a better skier than me… I worked hard to get here dammit.”

Those same sentiments were echoed by a group of 10 other so-called “pro’s” who handed Houser his ass. “Still a better skier than me?” asked one of the many assailants.

Authorities didn’t show up on the scene until Houser “was beat up good”.  His friends who witnessed the accident were distraught after the incident, referring to Houser as a “happy-go-lucky skier who wouldn’t hurt a soul.” As for the pro skiers, they said they plan on testifying against those whom they referred to as “sadistic, pro-bro, narcissistic monsters.”

*This is a work of satire

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