Unofficial News: GoPro Stock Plummeting Alongside Demise Of Dubstep

Unofficial News: GoPro Stock Plummeting Alongside Demise Of Dubstep


Unofficial News: GoPro Stock Plummeting Alongside Demise Of Dubstep


Cue the “robot sex music” | Photo: Robert Tadlock | Cover Photo: Drew Ressler

After rising to peak popularity in 2014, the GoPro age is officially ending and along with it– Dubstep.

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A recent study published by the Center For Cultural Integrity says that GoPro along with the musical genre “Dubstep” will cease to exist by the end of the decade. The conclusion was reached with the help of music taste makers at Apple Music, financial forecasters at Goldman Sachs, and the analytical power of Google.

The research data shows GoPro stock falling due to a variety of factors, many of which dubstep shares. The main contributing factor to the death of GoPro and its Dubstep cousin is the lack of repeat buyers for both products.

29 year-old Greg Levinson, who was polled as a part of the study, said that he bought a GoPro back in 2011 just as he was learning to love dubstep. “I bought a GoPro Hero and then the next day I bought Bassnectar’s “Divergent Spectrum,” says Levinson. “It wasn’t until I spent hours editing footage and adding dubstep backing tracks that I realized I was wasting my time. I’ll never buy a dubstep album or GoPro again.” 

After his affinity for taking and editing POV footage backed with dubstep quickly dissipated, he went on to say he’d love to have those countless hours spent editing shitty mountain biking footage back. Instead, he said he’d rather do things he considered “worthwhile” and “actually fun.” Levinson also said he wouldn’t consider buying a new GoPro model because the underlying tech hasn’t improved much. He echoed that same sentiment for Dubstep telling this reporter, “God knows Dubstep isn’t going much further than its trademark ‘WOMP WOMP WOMP WOMP’.” He went on to refer to new Dubstep as sounding like “Robot Sex Music.”

When reached for comment about Dubstep and GoPro’s shared demise, Bassnectar’s Lorin Ashton told reporters, “you know they’re right. I think our ears and eyes have had enough.”

As a part of their 20 year cultural forecast, the study indicated that Drones and ambient techno will replace Dubstep and GoPro’s as an “in your face” alternative for former POV aficionados. Bucking that trend, GoPro and Dubstep will remain strong forces amongst the cliff diving community for at least the next century.

Bikinis, Dancing, FUN!

*This is a work of satire

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