A "Wannabe Pro" Call Out

A "Wannabe Pro" Call Out

ALL

A "Wannabe Pro" Call Out

By

By Adolf Oliverbush
gaper madness

Beware self proclaimed “skiers,” beware self proclaimed “die hard rippers,” beware transplanted locals. The following material may, and more than likely will, UPSET YOU. Reader discretion advised.

I am at a loss for understanding, explenation and reasoning for the dramatic drop in skier participation at our beloved mountain…. Squaw Valley. Where have you gone skittle thugging, steez wearing, GNAR shralpin, stickered kit, die hard rippin local skiers?

Im sorry what, what was that you said? Shitty conditions? No snow? Wait what??? I call BULLSHIT!  How can you call yourself “a skier” when you’ve only skied less than half the calendar days between now and Jan 1? You’re a phony. You’re a fake. You’re a fair weather fan. You’re like the telemarker who just ran out of his bag of weed and suddenly realized his bindings suck! Wait, the conditions aren’t perfect…? Skiing SUCKS!  You know who you are. Yeah you, the one getting a reaction right about…NOW!

I’ve seen more “Gapers” out getting it, shreddin it, scraping it, shralpin it and LOVIN IT in the past five weeks than there is wannabe pros during Apre at the Chammi. Guess what bros? They’re putting all of you to shame. Those assholes who get in your way on the pow day, the same ones you and your dickhead buddies love to talk shit on…They’re the true die hards, they’re the real McCoy!  Meanwhile, you’ve been sitting around bitchin and moaning and finding every excuse from La Nina to KSL and their management practices to hate on Squaw and keep you in the same bullshit state of mind, AND OFF THE HILL. WTF???

So here is a call out to all of you who are currently pissed off after reading the past two paragraphs. Get out there and ski bitches! Find your stoke and make the best of it. Find that secret wind transported stash between the 50 million ice moguls. Go rip Tower 16, Sun Bowl, the Bullett, Land Bridge or the Back Side when its freshly groomed. Lame you say? Drop the bullshit, entitled, and generally spoiled attitude. Get out and ski. Winter is short and believe it or not, we’re still above our annual (to date) average Snow Pack at 8000’.  Quit going to San Francisco to see your “girlfriend,” quit spending cash you don’t have getting drunk at the bar because you’re bored, and quit looking at weather or videos from other resorts that are getting fresh. Remember why you live in Tahoe and do something about it!

More Unofficial Networks
Home