Gaper day at Whistler. photo: jamie bond

by Thomas Como

Top 10 Reasons You’re A Gaper

 

#10.  Neon – Unless you are wearing an outfit that your sponsors fitted you in, give it up. There is a reason its retro.

#9.  Rear Entry Boots – The only time the words rear entry should be spoken is in the bedroom.

#8.  Ski Boots during Apres – Nothing says you’re a gaper more than the poor planning of not having after ski shoes at your disposal.

#7.  Stupid Questions – Where’s the machine that makes all them moguls? How about what planet are you from?

#6.  Skiing with a backpack – What the fu*k is in the pack? You’re not Scot Schmidt and FYI, just cause you have a bunch of straps hanging off your pack does not make you look like a mountaineer.

gapetastic

#5.  Portable Radios – If you have to be in touch with your friends and family that bad, are you really on vacation? Ditch the leash ya gaper.

#4.  Balaclavas – Really? And don’t think you’re off the hook if you’re swapping it out with a bandanna.

#3.  Camel Backs – Hey guys, you’re skiing at a resort. If you’re ever more than 1 chair ride from a bar or drinking fountain…. you’re lost.

#2.  Skiing in Jeans – Unless accompanied with your Starter Jacket from 1991, you’re a gaper.

#1.  License Plates – If you live in west of the Rockies and you have Vermont, New Hampshire, New York or Ontario license plates, you’re a gaper!

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200 Comments

  1. Anonymous says:

    what about a connecticut license plate?

    Reply
    • REP says:

      You should be ashamed that your from Connecticut…sorry, that state is really fucking lame.

      Reply
      • I hate REP says:

        Hey Rep…usually outlandish statements like yours should have some evidence to back them up. Give me some reasons why CT sucks and I’ll tell you why your state is worthless

        Reply
        • REP says:

          haha, I’m from Vermont son…you were the thousands of Joey’s that would migrate to my state every weekend..or did you learn to ski at one of those sick CT mountains!! so jealous!!!

          Reply
          • anon says:

            yep I’m from ct living in wa with a ct license plate. grew up skiing at powder ridge, Jay Peak and mad river glen. raced for 10 years. now show the ‘non-gapers’ from the west of the rockies with west of rockies license plates how its done.

          • 542rider says:

            another vermonster who thinks theyre the coolest thing in the world…i hope you have fun with the proposed ban on “back country” skiing…go drink some more magic hat and gape it up at stratton with the rest of the “joeys”….out of staters keep yer economy goin, deal with it….

          • duh says:

            It’s not a proposed ban on backcountry skiing in VT. You can still go ski in the backcountry in many areas, you have to hike up and ski down. They want to ban people riding up lifts at resorts and then skiing down the backside. Those people get into dangerous situations, get lost, and require rescue operations. It’s a lot easier to know something is too difficult when you have to hike up it first, true backcountry is not the problem.

          • utaaaaahhhhhnnnn says:

            Utah……. TAKE THAT VERMONT!

        • NolanSmith says:

          Fuckers from CT, and the rest of New England come to VT to steal our slopes. I forgot to add NY, NJ and fucking Canada. Go Ski the West, and keep VT slopes for Vermonters.

          Reply
          • Please says:

            Sorry bud, Vermont ski resorts would not be in business without CT, MA, and NY.

          • Anonymous says:

            you do realize that if you didnt have people coming in to vermont from other states, your taxes(or your parents since you probably still live with them) would be out of this world. Your pass would be more expensive if your local mountain even exists anymore. Also, since you dont want anyone pumping money into the state, that snowmaking that gets the season going and repairs the thaws you have had wouldnt happen. So your days of skiing 30+ days would be more like 2 when another winter like last year happens… douche

          • lrn2swim says:

            Wait, there’s skiing on the east coast?

          • Chill says:

            Do you realize that all the resorts would go out of business if people from out of state didn’t ski them.

          • Geronimo Jackson says:

            i ski vermont, but also choose to have a real fuckin job, so i live in MA. deal with it.

    • Hiarfarmr says:

      Or Joisey
      or Joisey plates

      Reply
    • No Name says:

      I’ve never read a thread full of such idiotic comments. Nor have I ever read a worse “Top Ten Reasons You’re a Gaper List” The ‘author’ Thomas Como needs to step it up and write some funny shit. As for the rest of you… I find it an incredible coincidence that half of pro-skiers and current US Ski Team members learned to ski and come from strong collegiate skiing backgrounds from states such as… oh shit, New York, Vermont and New Hampshire.

      Backpacks? What the fuck is in the backpack? How about this ladies?… How about a probe, shovel, and an extra layer to change into when you’ve just finished that hour long hike out of bounds and are drenched in sweat. maybe a clif bar for your next tram ride or a water bottle to stay hydrated. Riding the lifts isn’t always to ski alongside Thomas between the trees. It’s often the only to get the fuck away from Thomas and into the backcountry. So next time you make fun of the guy wearing his backpack look at his face and you might just be looking at that pro who banged your mom last ngiht and just so happens to be from New York, Vermont or New Hampshire and shreds a whole lot harder than you!

      Reply
    • scrubitkook says:

      hahaha yeah connecticut blows harder than any other state west of the mississippi!!! good luck trying to represent that state dude, should have left it alone…

      Reply
    • Anonymous says:

      what about maine we are all pretty chill up here

      Reply
    • Gaperville says:

      LOL! Gaper Day is the BEST!!!!! The original is from Texas baby!!!! Love Thy!!!

      Reply
  2. jdubbs says:

    The day I wore a vintage neon one piece on the slopes at Squaw for an “80′s weekend” I had more hot women approach me and tell me how sexy I looked than pretty much all other days combined.

    Just sayin…

    Reply
  3. HappyBoarder says:

    But. . .I like my backpack. . .

    Have you skiied chair 4,8,9 at Loveland? Near a water fountain my ass!

    Reply
    • thew says:

      Disagree with a bunch on this list. Maybe in California some of these apply. But here in Colorado, we don’t put bars and water fountains in our back bowls so camel backs are dead useful, radios are a tool not a leash, and riding with a backpack means we’re prepared. You never know when you’re gonna need an avalanche probe, a shovel, or even just the ability to lose a layer and pack it out. I’m thinking the author of this is more of a gaper than a person with texas tags on the car, tight wranglers, and a ten gallon hat.

      Reply
    • EpiclyEpic says:

      Yes, I have and often. If you need to stop for water, you shouldn’t have been allowed on the lifts on the first place. It’s not a difficult mountain, and at any point, you’re 10 minutes from the base area. Grow some.

      Reply
  4. Eric Gwiz says:

    Is the lake open today?

    Reply
  5. THChemist says:

    So, I can’t carry a backpack to keep my Apres shoes in, but I can’t wear my Ski boots at Apres either. Hmmm.

    Reply
  6. Anonymous says:

    What the fuck is the deal with people wearing backpacks!!!! I don’t understand it..so fucking lame!! what are they full of…redbulls and your sleeping bag??

    I live in Colorado and I have a Maine license plate…more than half of the people that live here don’t deserve the Colorado license plate…majority of people out here suck at skiiing and snowboarding..east reppin’ always!

    Reply
    • damon H says:

      backpacks are radder than your ever bee with ME plates.

      Reply
      • scrubitkook says:

        woah hey dude, maine is a sick state, probably the crown jewel of the east coast. plz i know the east can seem lame, but dont trash talk maine dude, thats just low…. really low.

        Reply
    • I Suck at Skiing but Good at MW3 says:

      Got it right on there

      Reply
    • Anonymous says:

      peeps , probe, shovel, n00b. i guess you dont need avi gear when you’re doing 50-50s in the park. loser.

      Reply
    • Anonymous says:

      NO BACKPACKS?? where the fuck do you keep your booze and your weed, snacks, and where do you put your peeled layers?? and thanks, but i like the convenience of having water with me…beats taking all my shit off and having to get near people to drink water from a shared fountain in a fucking lodge. YUCK. and what’s the use in having a beacon on you if you don’t have a fucking pack with a probe and shovel?? dead body finder and no way to dig out a friend in need? this list is fucking stupid. and a bandana in the spring time will save you from burning your fucking face off dumbass.

      Reply
      • Shralper says:

        Its why I wear a XXXXXL Jacket with tons of pockets…i can carry my bong, two ounces of weed, and a weeks worth of whiskey without ever needing a pack. P.S. whats water?

        Reply
  7. steezemonkey says:

    where are you gonna keep your dope and booze if you dont have a backpack bro??

    Reply
  8. thirsy says:

    hmmmm where do I keep my miller highlifes at? and when I ski at vail and im in the backbowls there is rarely a fountain there….camel back for the win.

    Reply
  9. Mattyb says:

    In your damn pocket numb nuts

    Reply
  10. josh says:

    where do you keep your beer without a pack?

    Reply
  11. dudebro says:

    Kinda silly: on the west coast, if you’re skiing with a backpack, you’re a gaper. In Jackson, Big Sky and parts of CO, if you’re skiing without a backpack, you’re cold, tired, dehydrated and hungry. Weird.

    Reply
  12. surf rat says:

    people defending use of a backpack = gapers

    Reply
    • Anonymous says:

      surf rat = gaper who obviously can carry his peep, probe and shovel in his hands while he rides greens.. good job asshole.

      Reply
  13. ble says:

    so all i have to do is pay hundreds of dllars and spend a day at dmv and im not a gaper? awesome!

    Reply
  14. ian says:

    people using the term gaper are the truest of the gays

    Reply
  15. drew phillips says:

    I have to call out the balaclavas. There are a lot of legit pros rockin’ balaclavas on regular occasion. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Benchetler without a balaclava.

    They may look silly, but Benchetler, Sean Petit, and Ian Provo are definitely not gapers.

    Reply
  16. surf rat says:

    people from back east who think they can just go to the dmv and change their license and they won’t be a gaper = gaper

    Reply
  17. Joe Vallone says:

    Anyone that calls someone a gaper is a gaper, If you think you are so rad cause you rip and your clothes are so nice and your gear is top of the line and you think your better then someone because of what they wear, YOU ARE A GAPER!

    By your definitions, Gapers, keep you skiing and support the industry more then your retarded ass does. You prodealed your crap, or got it from your boy who is the dope rep and he thinks you have mad steeze, you got a season pass from your job because your so cool.

    Well the Gaper as you say, sliding down the mountain and in your way wearing jeans, Came up to the mountain and paid full price for a ticket, Ate lunch on the mountain, rented skis from your shop and is sliding on his ass in jeans having the time of his life and you sprayed him and called him a Gaper because he cut you off, Now Really, who is the Gaper?

    Reply
  18. saraski says:

    I dare to add:
    #11. Gaper tuck, #12. Carrying your skis like a gaper and #14. Placing your skis backwards on the racks!

    Reply
  19. Dube says:

    - East coast plates = gaper? Have to say your an idiot or jelous of our ability to ride any snow condition better than the lazy west coast heads I see out here bro.
    We just have better things to do than sit at the DMV for a day.
    - Stupid questions? Your just a dick. Not everyone is from a snow sports background. That is more a funny question you get from midwesterners who can be rad people once you start talking to them. The hot farm fed wife is nice too.
    - Balaclavas? Have you ever ridden on a cold storm day? Obvesouly not or you would know how great these little peices of clothing are.

    So to the joie (east coast for gaper) making lame lists on unofficial, take more than the 10minuets it takes you to jab a keyboard and put some thought into your I am sick of people lists.

    Reply
    • STFU Dube,,, says:

      and go ride your homo goon spoon

      Reply
    • ShredZgnar says:

      “Have to say your an idiot or jelous of our ability to ride any snow condition better than the lazy west coast heads I see out here bro” Have you ever heard the term cascade concrete? Trust me we know how to ride the bulletproof conditions. Difference is it doesnt last over a month. We have another term you may be unfamiliar with being from east coast… Mashed potatoes anyone?
      Id love to visit Vermont in good conditions but Id much rather live near bachelor baker or tahoe any season. Theres damn good reason people come out here the annual stats dont lie. (well maybe some)

      Reply
  20. ? says:

    pretty stupid though because i know a lot of people who ski with packs and face masks that go out of bounds a lot but ski in the resort as well. not every resort is just chair lifts and 1 groomed run.

    Reply
  21. Gaper says:

    Would much rather ride with someone wearing a backpack and balaclava then a tall tee and sagging pants…. just sayin’

    Reply
  22. Casey O'Brien says:

    I just thought it was just cool to be a gaper. And what’s wrong with Jeans?

    Reply
  23. Steezium-138 says:

    Yeah helmets and transceivers too. Definitely for losers.

    Reply
  24. Ouch, this article would seem low quality and immature on newschoolers.com let alone here. Beyond the fact that the topic is such petty, high school who’s who/who qualifies nonsense, the writing is terrible. You can get away with kicking a dead horse topic like this if you at least do it with some new, creative humor or something.

    No bueno Unofficial.

    We really need to get some serious snow going on so Mike Wilson can start hucking his nuts off stuff, Miles Clark can fake us out into paying attention to himself by posting vids that are 3 minutes of his own skiing edited onto the backend of the Wilson huck vid, and we can have some good content on Unofficial :P

    Reply
    • Adolf Oliverbush says:

      For a guy that hates unofficial, its awesome to know you have sat here and read the article and are taking the time to write a post. Go read npr.com if you are so sophisticated, ya gaper!

      Reply
  25. Patty says:

    Holy fuck some people take this shit so seriously! Sorry if I didn’t realize that these jokes were actually laws put in place defining who gapes and who doesn’t. For me this place is just for wasting some time on the internet when I’m not skiing!

    Reply
  26. breckdoggie says:

    No backpack or balaclavas?.. Really?…
    So apparently you don’t ski in places that are cold… and you don’t know that avalanches can happen in the slack country.
    What’s in my backpack? A shovel, probe, and snow saw. I’d put those in my neon pockets but that would suck.
    Please don’t ever come to Montana and work harder on you blog you retard.

    Reply
  27. Anonymous says:

    gotta love those obnoxious radios. can they even understand the static that comes out of those things? balaclavas on the other hand are almost a necessity. sorry I like to keep my face warm, guess I’m gapetastic.

    Reply
  28. Jake O'Leary says:

    The East Coast hatred is just ignorant, some of the best skiers in the world grew up on the east coast and if it weren’t for them moving to Tahoe, CO, or Utah, there would be no industry.

    Reply
  29. Veruca Salt says:

    Wow… hate much?

    Reply
  30. Just sayin' says:

    Personally I disagree with the balaclavas statement.

    Reply
  31. Joey says:

    You’re all a bunch of Gapers!

    Reply
  32. Anonymous says:

    This is such a retarded post. Unofficial networks is such a terrible site as of late. Stop posting garbage like this!

    Reply
  33. jeff says:

    You forgot the following:

    Wearing ski goggles (most likely backwards on your head) /snow pants/lanyard with ski pass at a bar/restaurant hours after the ski hill is closed just to make the statement that you went skiing/boarding that day.

    Hanging your goggles from the rear view mirror of your car (yes, that includes well after the season is over).

    Hitting up the Dillon Dam brewery after a long day’s shred and asking for coor’s/bud/miller light instead of the beer they actually brew.

    Wearing WAY too much clothing on days that aren’t cold (layering a fleece, sweater, turtleneck, under your columbia jacket, and of course sweat pants and long underwear under your bibs).

    Wearing a helmet that clearly doesn’t fit (too large or small), or is backwards on your head.

    Having a mild heart attack if the bar isn’t lowered within the first 30 seconds of the chair ride.

    Complaining about “too much powder”….

    The list goes on…

    Reply
  34. Veruca Salt says:

    What’s funny is most of you Unofficial COD’s are from the east coast…

    Reply
  35. Hmmm says:

    Golly-gee-widacures this deeply offends me! and I know the dam light is the beer to order at the ddb silly face.

    Reply
  36. Mark says:

    First… I don’t get the hate for the Shire.

    Second….seems to me like the rider is a wee-bit entitled. Why waste anyone’s energy worrying about any of this shit?

    i wish i’d never read the article.

    Reply
  37. recession session says:

    water? i aint drank that shit in years!

    Reply
  38. ChamBound says:

    It’s funny because it’s true. Nice job stirring the pot. Oh, and can we get something straight. Just because someone grew up with the luxury of family ski trips all winter doesn’t make them special it just makes them fortunate. The common denominator isn’t skill or talent, it is exposure and wealth. When you are from the wealthiest area in the U.S. and you talk about the elitist activities that you rule, it’s just bragging, that’s not a compliment by the way.

    I know there are some less fortunate folks from these certain states but most of these people still live there. If you live out West you probably have nothing in common with the people who really call themselves locals there. Just embrace the West, and start enjoying everything this great world has to offer without having to make a point of how great wherever you are from is.

    Reply
  39. Thatoneguy says:

    So riding with Avy gear in a pack makes you a gaper? I guess nothing slides inbounds or in the side country near Baker. No issues with tree wells either? Hold on Guys, I help with that rescue, just let me get my gear from the car.
    REB, you are the Gaper and more that likely a danger to yourself and others around you.

    Reply
  40. Thatoneguy says:

    Sorry REB, read it wrong, Thomas Como, You are the danger to yourself and all those around you. But hey, you might look cool in your own mind. AND I A SO MUCH BETTER THAT YOU, I CANT BELIEVE YOUR SHIT GOT PUBLISHED.

    Reply
  41. Not to bash the list completely, but a little more thought could have been put into these…

    http://slopeswag.com/15-ways-you-are-a-gaper/

    Reply
  42. Gape Hard says:

    Top Ten Reasons you are a Gaper at Mammoth Mtn:
    10: Asking where Mammoth Lakes are.
    9: Pointing at the Dome south of Mammoth and stating with absolute certainty to your friends that it is Half Dome
    8: Not wearing sunscreen so that when you go back to LA, everyone will know you went skiing.
    7: Claiming that you know Dave McCoy and/or Rusty Gregory
    6: Rear entry boots and/or jeans (including any tight ski pants on men)
    5: Waiting for your friends at the loading ramp of the chair, or putting on your snowboard in the lift line
    4: Dressing and/or acting like a thug
    3: Getting bottle service at Hyde Lounge, or waiting in line to get in
    2: Claiming how long you have been coming to Mammoth and then asking for directions
    1: Wearing ski boots after dark

    Reply
    • Howard Sheckter says:

      #1- boots… really?!? Your list clearly is faulted because I enjoy wearing ski boots after dark while I bang your Mom. Then I finish it up with a full moon night ride of the Sherwin’s (once again, ski boots after dark). Sometimes I ski down to Red’s and soak in a hot tub at night… where I also bang your Mom. Your Mom is such a hot cougar.

      Reply
  43. Radder Than You says:

    Im from VT and i am…. RADDDER THAN YOU!!!!!

    Reply
  44. SkiHawg says:

    huh. Livin in and skiing in NH my whole life and have yet to meet a westerner who can ski in New England without complaining about ice blah blah blah
    Ill rock my NH plates all the way down the ice slope while you crankies from CO wonder how the heck you are gonna make it down alive.

    And Oh- We can ski powder here too.

    Reply
  45. Luke Kollman says:

    Is it pronounced like gay-per? Or like gapper? Because I know it has something to do with the gap between the helmet and goggles so I wasn’t sure.

    Reply
  46. AlpineZone says:

    Wait, if you can’t have a backpack to carry shoes in; how can you go to apres without boots? Or is socks acceptable? Or are socks even a newer level of gaperish-ness?

    Reply
  47. john vtsv says:

    All i know is that my ganja, my hash, my pipe, my shovel probe extra hiking gloves sunglasses and hat all fit in my backpack pretty well….and i drive a car with georgia plates bitches! and sometimes i dont feel like walking to my car so i will wear my boots…this article is kinda dumb..

    Reply
  48. Andy says:

    If I don’t wear a backpack, where am I supposed to stick my probe?

    Reply
  49. SKI THE EAST says:

    Slow down with number 10 there. Ski bums drive that far too.

    10.(should be) Putting ski resort stickers on your rear window for Resorts you skied 3 days at 4 spring breaks ago. Im tired of seeing Ny cars reppin vail stickers. Show off your roots, not your vacation

    Reply
  50. sickerthanyou says:

    as a gaper, i find it offensive that the true derivation of the term is not on this list…

    Reply
  51. Please says:

    No offense to you bro brahs, but East Coast license plates in western mountain towns likely mean someone who learned to ski on varied snowpack, will shred while you are bitching that it’s “icy”, and oh yeah, have the technical fundamentals to make you look like an amateur on a good day.

    Reply
  52. Lojo says:

    Why hasn’t this mentioned a 3 inch gap between goggles and helmet

    Reply
  53. gaper says:

    My jacket and pants only hold so many beers, that’s what the backpack is for g the resort. Whiskey gives me heartburn. And how do you keep a buzz all day without missing turns taking the shuttle to the lot or the bar?

    Reply
  54. sadly from Ontario says:

    try skiing in -30 or under without a balaclava

    Reply
  55. anon says:

    backpacks are not needed, but big jackets with beer pockets are good! You’re a gaper if you can afford or agree to buy a $7 beer. how about 1-piece suits? bonus points for fringe!

    Reply
  56. Special K says:

    so to sum this up … Everyone = Gaper

    Reply
    • Clearly, We're all Gapers says:

      These folks claim that if we ride the backcountry with gear… we’re gapers.
      If we’re dirty park rats… we’re gapers.
      Live anywhere between the Atlantic and Pacific Ocean? You’re clearly a gaper.
      Uhm… do you wear a helmet/ever think of wearing a helmet/one time you picked up a helmet and checked the price? WELL GUESS WHAT?!? You’re a G-A-P-E-R!

      As previously mentioned— I do believe this might be the worst post I’ve seen, but for what it lacks in substance it sure did make up for in comedic posts/discussions!

      Reply
      • Clearly, We're all Gapers says:

        Also, while the moguls question thing is probably the only point I laughed at… It’s often just beginners asking a question. So maybe add that to the list— You’re a gaper if you’re a dude or dudette who is trying out a new sport.

        Reply
  57. Chuck J says:

    If your skiing the big boy lines backbacks(full of avi gear), balaclavas, radios, and water are all things that you should have if your not a gaper.

    Reply
  58. Gaper says:

    Where do they store the moguls in the summer?

    Reply
    • Geriatic Skier Gurl says:

      The moguls are kept inside the CalTrans orange barrels that overwinter up on the freeway shoulders.

      BTW, those of you who are responding to comments on a 2 year old reposted story….. #11. How to be a CommentsGaper
      and #12. How to be slopeside roadkill- you who diss bright colors – when you wear all black/grey monochrome, stop to rest in the shade, and then get hit by some out of control SkiVacationCityGaper on their last run.

      Reply
    • john vtsv says:

      they move them down to the river for white water rafting!

      Reply
  59. Oregonoutback says:

    Well let’s see, I break rules # 6,5,4 and 3. But that’s because I’m on the patrol and need every one of those things as we don’t get to enjoy the “resort experience” until after we’ve closed and swept all of the runs. Even then we dont stay there, we just head to a local bar and proceed to get schnockered. But yeah, ditch the neon everyone. It’s just silly.

    Reply
  60. RTE says:

    This list blows. Apres ski in boots is the standard in the Alps so I guess every who skis in the Alps is a Gaper. How are you supposed to stomp and break wooden tables if you aren’t wearing ski boots at apres?

    Reply
  61. Khuinas says:

    Reading all your american juvenile commenting from my Eurotrash perspective is really amusing.

    Keep on.

    Reply
  62. Matt D says:

    Back pack really? Can you fit a beacon, shovel and probe on a coat?
    I have a camel back in it too!

    Reply
  63. Anonymous says:

    Dorks Im from back east I can ski Ice blah blah blah Go home kooks

    Reply
  64. i carry 4 pounds of weed in my backpack.

    Reply
  65. j says:

    But with all the weed I’m smoking I need to carry my drinks. Ooh, how about a wine skin?

    Reply
  66. Smitty says:

    But I keep my after ski shoes in my backpack. Along with a water bottle and a VT license plate I found on the side of the road and keep for good luck.

    Reply
  67. blowout bob says:

    reading unofficial networks requires only an internet connection a pretty high level of gaperism

    Reply
  68. Not a moron says:

    Doucebag says what?

    Reply
  69. redoncuolous says:

    Everyone’s an A$$HOLE!

    Reply
  70. dude says:

    Boring…

    Posers* are way worse than any “Gaper” out there.

    At least Gapers have come to terms with that, yes they suck but aren’t going to cover it up with a bunch of expensive stuff.

    * Latest fat skis ( Dukes of course – for Sidecountry Braah!!!)), hybrid boots, etc. etc. but lacking the ability to actually make proper use of the gear.

    Reply
  71. Buddha says:

    You have no choice where your born, ya slapnut

    Reply
  72. ThatGuy says:

    #11 on the list. Using the term(s) “apres” or “off-piste.” This is America. We ski “powder” and “drink beer.”

    Reply
  73. RightAngle says:

    1. The number of runs you’ve taken is less than the number of beers you’ve consumed.

    2. You hit on every liftee chick even though they have the body of a dude, don’t speak English and have a high school dropout boyfriend, who stands right next to them as you hit on them.

    3. You’re more excited to tell jokes than ride.

    4. You talk about that joke you just told the whole chairlift ride up Big Poo.

    5. Getting an awesome front row parking spot is more important than getting awesome on the mountain.

    6. Talking about alpine replay is more fun than talking about the actual run.

    7. You ride skis.

    8. You think getting drinks at the Cantina after a day of gaping it is rad.

    9. You take the attention away from your shitty riding by yapping about Star Wars all day, every day, and have excuses lined up for why you own so much of George Lucas’ personal clothing stash.

    10. After every dumb comment you and your friends mutter, you laugh about how good a “Shit Skiers Say” lametube video you could make.

    Reply
    • skigeezer says:

      #7–anyone who rides skis is a gaper? Harsh. Good thing you were not around 30 or more years ago, before snowboards were thought of. Then you would have had to put in the requisite time, effort, and mileage to become a really good skier.
      Or you could have been a flailing geek who switched to a snowboard cause it was WAY easier to learn, even though it remains, for the most part, a super inefficient way of getting around in the mts. Try to use what’s left of your brain to figure out that without the old school skiers, you wouldn’t be out here!

      Reply
  74. skisquaw says:

    one to add to the list: wearing your hunting jacket skiing, classic sign that you are a lowland gaper who doesn’t know what the fuck they are doing on skis

    Reply
  75. Apesaw says:

    Contents of my backpack:
    - turducken
    - Scot Schmidt

    Reply
  76. mdskier says:

    Gaper Boy here.! Funny list. LOL
    Hahaha I’m guilty of all but #2 & #9

    Reply
  77. whatever says:

    You know what? I’ve seen Plake do every one of these and still rule.

    The only gaper is the pathetic twit who thinks it’s about what you look like, not how well you ski and how much fun you have.

    Reply
  78. Anonymous says:

    For the record, there is a machine that makes moguls. They build them up with a snowcat as offset piles of snow. FIS does this all the time, thats how they get consistency. If they relied on people like THOMAS COMO, the fuckbag that wrote this article, they would probably just be random piles of snow with a resting spot every 3 turns. YOUR THE BIGGEST GAPER OF THEM ALL TOMAS COMO

    Reply
  79. Norwegian says:

    Haha. No backpack. You overprotected Americans.
    Here you are a gaper if not skiing with one (if you’re not just a terrain park tard).

    Reply
  80. seabass says:

    These gapers came up to my friend at high camp (squaw) and asked what that body of water was? He said the Pacific Ocean hahahaha

    Reply
  81. 4 Evergreen says:

    I think what everyone is missing on the balaclava issue is that this is a Squaw post. Squaw doesn’t get snow and you don’t need one when its 50 in the parking lot or for park laps.

    Reply
  82. indy says:

    Well I was with you until the Vermont plates thing. Who do you think you are? I have a lot of friends living out west from Vermont who could out ski/ride most people from out west I’ve met. Not cool.

    Reply
  83. Igor says:

    The dude who wrote this article is fakken gaperific, definitely a major gapie… I bet he has a 3 inch gaper gap and talks a lot of shiet about how nasty he is at apres.

    Dude, I cant believe you write for unofficial… I’m soo much better than you. Best skier in this entire thread.

    Reply
  84. Anonymous says:

    This author is a gaper. Try writing an article on not being a square.

    Reply
  85. yoyo says:

    Hey if you have a plate from out east and your driving around in Tahoe, chances are you’re a local and you can’t afford to change your plates over. What’s better your sticking it out until CA makes you cause you have a local job that doesn’t pay much.

    Reply
  86. real pow! says:

    Your all gapers if you don’t ride the rockies or the west coast! Simple as that

    Reply
  87. real pow! says:

    And I agree with everyone that the writer of the article is the biggest gaper of them all! If you actually knew anything about backcountry you’d be informed that backpacks, camel backs and balaclavas are necessities out there. GAPER!!

    Reply
  88. carson says:

    cant rip on balaclava’s, your a gaper if you dont have a balaclava.

    Reply
  89. Ski Bum says:

    The author is referring to the typical resort skier, not back country or side country skiers. News flash…
    Everyone is, was at one time, or maybe in the future, a gaper. Many skiers/boarders have drinks, food, cameras, etc. in a Jansport backpack that is basically a locker for them. Most of his items qualify as full gaper behavior. That doesn’t mean most of us haven’t violated those at one point in our skiing/riding career. It’s just humor, anyway. Have a Zima and relax!

    Reply
    • JoosBB says:

      Yeah!
      I´m puzzled how offending many of the replies and posts are!
      Find it funny or not!
      In Europe, we go skiing and share our passion and never, ever think about sth like tourists “stealing” our slopes, who has which license plate or any other kind of that crap.
      It´s perverted – like local surfers beating up tourist surfers – where are we?

      Reply
  90. That's my face sir says:

    anyone who read all the above comments is totally the biggest gaper. Bunch of gapers talking about gapers. Gapers gapers gapers I think im turning into a gaper.

    Reply
  91. mtngrl says:

    sounds like all these people don’t have enough snow to ski…….

    Reply
  92. Confused says:

    If we stop and my girl gives me head in silverado and I happen to see another skier. Does that make me a gaper?

    Reply
  93. Pffftt.... says:

    FAWKIN’ GOOGANS!

    How about backslapping the landing and claiming you stuck it makes you a gaper? Learn to land on your feet- I’m looking at you steamboat guy!

    Reply
  94. Whitelightning says:

    Having lived in a western ski town for 12 years, usually the biggest gapers are the posers calling everyone gapers. Some douchebag on a bus that was being rude to the ladies called me a gaper and told me to go back to Texas once when I told him to check himself. I overheard him talking about staying in his aunt’s ski condo a few minutes before, and now he owns the place. Now that’s gaper. The 60 year old fat guy in a Starter jacket and aviators with a southern accent having the time of his life flailing down groomers has more cojones than some D-bag from Denver that thinks he is God’s gift to the world because he believes that his douche-power equates to his awesomeness of shredding. We are talking about people having fun sliding around on snow, get over yourself and go practice your skin flute skils.

    Reply
  95. Blah says:

    Just go ski!

    Reply
  96. Gaper Asshole says:

    you motherfuckers are way to hardcore for me. You cools guys from VT and CT and wherever. Who gives a shit? People who make up Top 10 lists are fucking douchebags. so why dont you all go eat a big bag of dicks. I like my balaclava when its dumping and windy so GFY’s

    Reply
  97. Trulio says:

    Each and everyone of us were a gaper a some point in our ski/snowboard careers…..yes there are dumb asses on the mountain that we encounter everyday, but why be a dick and place judgement on where u come from or if you ski with a backpack makes u a gaper? It seems that nowadays there is somebody to judge you in every aspect….. I had somebody judge me the other day because I was wearing gortex! I just laughed and smiled…….I wear neons in the backcountry so my people can have better eyes on me if avalanche takes me down…. I guess that makes me a gaper??? .whomever wrote up this blog Is very insecure with themself and should kick themselves in the dick! Have fun and don’t be a deusch while doing it!!!

    Reply
  98. Huck Yo Meat says:

    Apres shoes are nice….but partying in ski boots = +2 (gaper or not)

    Reply
  99. youreatool says:

    what f*cking gaper put together this list

    Reply
  100. Smitty says:

    Did I miss the meeting? Is gaper the new word for poser, which was the new word for newbie, which replaced cherry?

    Reply
  101. kook says:

    I made it to POUNDTOWN! hi pounders!

    Reply
  102. YourRealDad says:

    What a lame fucking list. You’d have to be a gaper to actually judge people by the shit they wear and their license plate rather than by how they ski. Was this written by a pre-teen? And why the fuck would I want to take my skis off and go into the lodge every time I get thirsty or want a snack when I can just open my pack on the lift and eat, drink, and smoke. I prefer to be skiing, not sucking off dudes in the lodge like the twink who wrote this joke.

    Reply
  103. the guy who wrote that says:

    IS THE GAPER MASTER !

    Reply
  104. GAPER ! says:

    I do all of those things and I’M BETTER THEN YOU !

    Reply
  105. Hitler says:

    Why can’t we all just get along?

    Reply
  106. coyo says:

    grow some man hair, get rid of them bandanas

    Reply
  107. wut says:

    Ripping on camelbaks? Seriously? I don’t know how I ever skied without one.

    Reply
  108. Clancy says:

    I always have a small backpack… I like to hold extra stuff or have a place to put layer I take off. Also I’m not going to spend $10 on an apple from the resort I’m going to bring my own. And the license plate thing is stupid, being from out of town does not make you a poor skier.

    Reply
  109. Skinut says:

    Your not a gaper if you’r posting in June because you are having ski withdrawals and trying to find anything about skiing to hold you over till next snowfall.

    Put up or Shut up… If you can shred you can do it any way you want…
    And that includes neons and a mohock…

    ( have no idea how to spell mohock :-)

    Reply
  110. Skinut says:

    Oh, and I forgot, I nead my backpack to put my $20 chilly in. ;-)

    Reply
  111. Anon says:

    #6 is idiotic, both my parents were patrollers at park city, and yet they always ski with packs and camelbacks, easy access to more clothes, sack lunch, and other things. Plus who wants to stop every other run to get water from a fountain, camelbacks and water bottles make sense. And don’t even get me started on how dumb these are for backcoutry skiers.

    Reply

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