si, hot chick

Photo: Sports Illustrated

We’ve all seen it. Walking through the village or worse trying to hike up Spanky’s Ladder on a pow day is the tourist who CAN’T CARRY THEIR SKIS PROPERLY!!

WTF is with these people? I can handle the dumb questions, the bad driving, and the drunken idiots who wear their ski boots through the village at 2 a.m. What the hell? They’re on vacation.

What I can’t handle is the plethora of idiots walking around who can’t seem to grasp that carrying skis is not rocket science.

Don’t you people realize when you constantly drop your skis or stab an innocent civilian with your ski tips or scissor yourself that your little carry system is NOT WORKING?

Again…WTF?

Let’s go over some basics so:

a) you can stroll through the village and look like a pro

b) you won’t fall down on the hike up from Showcase and crash into some crusty local who will bite your head off and make your wife cry.

First, don’t balance them on your shoulder. Have you tried walking around town with a 6ft wooden plank balanced on your shoulder and had great success? Think people. Use those brains of yours. The object is to carry them so they are STABLE on your shoulder. And this entails a little cantilever motion as depicted by the Legend himself in the photo below:

The Legend Carrying His Skis

steepdeepextreme.blogspot.com

How not to do it, even if you’re one of the X-Men:

Wolverine Goes Skiing

justjared.buzznet.com

So do yourself a favour and learn to carry those super sweet carving skis around with style. It’s not hard. We do it everyday. And you can too. Just take a moment to consider others’ safety and use some bloody sense, dingbat.

Be safe and ski hard.

Carrying skis

Stefanbast.com

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41 Comments

  1. OB says:

    I personally find that scissoring my skis de-tunes the edges perfectly. It also shreds the arms/shoulders of my Bogner one-pieces, ensuring I drop thousands of dollars in your local shops to replace them.

    YOU’RE WELCOME

    Reply
  2. Kp says:

    It’s not just the skier tourist douches who can’t figure out how to hold their sticks…dipshits walk around tagging people in the head..

    Now if you could please do a piece on operating the lap bar on the chair, I might be safe from these same twats.

    Reply
    • coyo says:

      Attn Gapers be sure to sink your poles in the lift line, as to not stab me standing behind you when you push up

      Reply
      • Captain Ass Chaps says:

        Don’t forget the idiot weekenders (think Mammoth, Squaw, Snowbird) that thinks its so bitching to be going about 35 mph into the lift line. And then proceed to let their friends (fellow weekender clueless idiot) know they are in line by proceeding to wave their poles, in line, completely oblivious to the fact that there are other people in line.

        Reply
  3. MDVK says:

    just carry dem tings. Snowboarders have been carrying their decks for years without decapitating anybody. Put it in you “strong” hand and walk around like a BOSS.

    sticks in one hand (weak)
    decks in the other (strong)

    This will give you full awareness of your gear and hopefully a lot less head injuries to anyone walking near your dangerous self.

    I must admit though gapers are good at honing my reaction times. Swerve and Lean..

    Reply
  4. King of the Hill says:

    Who the fuck cares how you carry your shit to the hill. Skiing is about the fun on the hill.
    Quit your bitching and shitty artical postings guys and girls. Just because it is not snowing does not mean you can’t reach into your creativativeity and write something interesting, positive and informative.
    Way to be a puss and write under the name Joe Skiier, but I would also never put my name on such a crap peice of journalism.

    Reply
    • JayT says:

      Says the commenter with the made up name.

      Reply
    • sigh says:

      @ King of the Hill first off, learn how to spell…. obviously you’ve never been hit in the head by some dude who just saw his best friend at citta’s and spun around quickly with his skis precariously draped on his shoulder. This happend to me the other day, it sucked. I tossed the skis on the ground and kept walking, hopefully teaching said dude a lesson. I also now have a bruise on my face. fuck that guy and fuck you “dick of the hill”. artical? fuck you. article. dick.

      Reply
      • King of the Hill says:

        Need a tissue? I have been hit, ducked and slapped my fair share of stray skies. It should be expected when uncoordinated goons have 4 sticks in their hands there will be carnage. Here is another suggestion, stand a reasonable distance away from said gaper. No one said we need to be standing up eachothers asses when making our way through villages and standing in line.

        Yes my spelling sucks, I am not the author of above artical so I will withhold my name and shit guys, smile – it will make things seem brighter and you’ll look less like a dick.

        Reply
        • Nick says:

          You = Douche

          Reply
          • sigh says:

            well articulated ‘nick’… really. excellent retort. super impressed… not.
            i’m super happy on the hill dude, just dont like you ragging on an ARTICLE that has something poignant to say about routine shit that happens at ski resorts – the total point of unofficial. suckkk it.

      • Dick of the Hill says:

        Haha.. Awesome. The part where you started saying fuck all the way to the end was my favorite.. Fucking hilarious.

        Reply
    • douchee magoo says:

      I’m with you King of the Hill. Once again, Joe Skier writes a snob-ass article just to hear himself speak. This guy is so full of himself he shits little Joe skiers. I’m all for people having fun, regardless of ability level. I say this not as someone who wants tourist dollars (I could care less about their money), but as someone who thinks that picking on people because of how they carry their skis doesn’t represent the squaw skier well.

      Reply
    • stubiedoo says:

      These guys just have a vendetta. Ever since the introduction of Quickpoles, they have been “too cool for school.” They need to stop whining and go out and make some money. Then maybe they would be able to upgrade their gear.

      Reply
  5. Bert says:

    Don’t y’all have a set of ski bones to carry your skis with?

    Reply
  6. NMshredder says:

    Stop blowing your $ at resorts and go back country. You just don’t see douche bags carrying their skis wrong who happen to wear a transceiver, skins, and carry a shovel. Purity, solitude , and fresh tracks every run…get some.

    Reply
  7. Ski Bum says:

    This post was worth it just to see Lindsey Vonn carrying hers in the rockin’ bikini! Seriously, it’s been a problem for many years. We could do the unthinkable and show said uninformed skiers how to carry their skis and poles like the photo of Glen Plake. If each of the cool people taught 4-5 tourists every year, we could get a handle on this thing! But then hey, we couldn’t have fun mocking them!
    I help a few a year, they’re making new gapers everyday, we’ll never run out!

    Reply
  8. Amanda says:

    I want to see more pictures of people carrying them improperly!

    Reply
  9. Jo says:

    Dumb tourist dodging is just another aspect of the sport of skiing that will eventually be in the Olympics.

    I just keep my helmet on in the village, and walk with a stiff arm and move people out of the way. A little bobbing and weaving helps too.

    Reply
  10. Hof Bunny says:

    Wolverine has small feet and iddy biddy skis. Don’t you think dads are supposed to look like gapers just to embarrass the kids? That IS a dad’s job y’know :)

    Reply
  11. Spirit76 says:

    Thanks immensely for the well-meaning PSA, but it’s too late for me. I been perfectly balancing my skis on my shoulders for almost 30 years and I hain’t changin because someone opines I should.
    Tips up and behind me. Have never once whacked anyone or anything.
    But, good luck with that.

    Reply
  12. Julie says:

    Hi,

    I personnaly use a french product for me and my son to ease that problem :
    It’s called Skiss Strap System and you carry your skis easily on your back. This winter i saw many people in France using it
    Hope this comment will help

    Reply
  13. Anonymous says:

    I just have my mexicans carry them for me

    Reply
  14. belafonte says:

    WTF? why the fuck is this article even up? I’m beginning to think this site is becoming the gaper ski site.

    Reply
  15. coyo says:

    lol double posting :)

    Reply
  16. Anonymous says:

    Pictures are broke

    Reply
  17. skieo says:

    How do the military carry rifles in parades on their shoulders, …and not hit anyone ? Answer: like ol timers with the ‘butt’ down and the tips up.

    Reply
  18. splash log says:

    I like unofficial but all the reposting of old articles is really lame. I can understand the odd gem here and there but there’s just too much.

    Reply
  19. Sandwich Queen says:

    Long long ago in a kingdom far far away, the man who is now my husband carried my skis. That worked really well.

    Reply
  20. MasterBation says:

    Simple tip for not catching a gapers skies in the face -> back the fuck off!

    Do you hold the log your drunk roommate is about to whack at with an ax? Stop and give this non-native struggling soles some space. Maybe it is the ass hole local that is the gaper and the guest just needs a friendly hand. Remember, these people make our life’s here possible. Be friendly and reach out your knowledgeable hand and make someones day.

    Good vibes and good people make a happy mountain town

    Reply
  21. MasterBation says:

    I have gotten numbers and took one sexy mom home being a friendly local – give it a try.

    Reply
  22. Cassius Clay says:

    I just drop hay makers on those bitches

    Reply
  23. Mike says:

    All the pictures on this page seem to be broken.

    Reply
  24. Bugbear says:

    Put a picture of a some hot chick on a ski sight and get 1000s of views

    Reply
  25. jo says:

    wear helmet and shut your mouth it’s a fucking mountain, dont be a pussy. go home or go earn your turn in the Backcounty if you cant handle it. pfffff fucking whiny bitches everywhere.

    Reply
  26. Dudeabides says:

    I’ve been skiing since I was 3, teaching for 7 years, and I don’t give a good god damn how somebody carries their skis. People get so worked up about petty shit. All that matters is that you’re not hitting me with your gear or obliviously getting in my way. Stop giving a fuck about meaningless things like this you elitist fags.

    Reply

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