What Your Outerwear Brand Says About You As A Person | Ski Stereotypes [Part 3]

What Your Outerwear Brand Says About You As A Person | Ski Stereotypes [Part 3]

Gear

What Your Outerwear Brand Says About You As A Person | Ski Stereotypes [Part 3]

With that much style… He’s gotta be European | Photo: GoeVin2a

When it comes to winter outerwear, the pants and jacket you rock is a direct sign of what kind of skier you are.

Related: What Your Ski Poles Say About You As A Person | Ski Stereotypes [Part 2]

From unofficially sponsored Arctery’x skiers who are over 40 and better at climbing than they are shredding, all the way to SAGA riders who are better at spinning than they are turning– here are our way over generalized outerwear stereotypes.

SAGA

The SAGA skier usually skis on Atomic Benchetler’s and is known for their ‘homie’ vibe. The combination of saggy pants and jacket allows unimpeded movement of the arms and legs. With baggy freedom pants and jacket in tow, jibbers can complete ‘corked out’ dub blunt 7’s without any material-based restrictions. However the biggest upside is the fact that you never have to up-tuck if you see Debby Dutton on the slopes. Schwing!

Arctery’x

If you’re not familiar with the Arctery’x brand– you can’t afford it. Which means 40-somethings, trust-funders, and savvy old rich dudes are usually the only ones sporting this gear that is as utilitarian as it is costly.

Unless you’re a climber with a pro deal– at which point the only thing that’ll look good when you’re skiing is the jacket and pant combo.

Descente

Descente was huge in the 80’s and 90’s and if you’re donning their outerwear you fall into one of two categories. The first category includes the teenage skier whose middle class mom gave them a way too old gaper-day onesie to use as their everyday ski jacket. The second category includes the affluent LA skier who frequents Squaw Valley on the holidays and still thinks “my style is timeless.”

Haglöfs

Like the SAGA skier, these skiers like the way they look more than the way they ski. Bright colors pervade the style and if you don’t like the skiing, you’ll be hard pressed to hate the style.

Columbia

Texans had no idea what Gore-Tex was until Columbia started putting it in their jackets. Now, Texans are warm and toast with the exception of their frozen feet that are being strangled by three pairs of cotton socks stuffed into their ski boots.

Carhartt

Carhartt onesie is only reserved for the most hardened of skiers. These skiers can’t be found at Jackson Hole or Squaw Valley but instead populate mom + pop ski hills like Mt Bohemia in Michigan and Snowshoe in West Virginia. These individuals deserve the utmost respect and should be treated with honor, diginity, and praise.

Starter

Joey ‘Bag O’ Donuts’ Perelli from Newark, NJ wouldn’t be caught dead without his Jets Starter Jacket during his boy’s weekend at “Hunta.” Turns out his buddies feel the same but instead rock their Giants, Ravens, and Buffalo jackets respectively.

Bogner

Only the most stylish and elegant of European skiers have the ability to rock the Bogner look on the snowy slope. Since the beginning, Bogner has been reserved for the likes of James Bond, Queen Elizabeth, and the artist formerly known as “Prince.” If you’re not legendary– don’t even bother.

Patagonia

The Patagonia skier saves up all summer to get a new powslayer jacket and relentlessly preaches enviromental stewardship even though they have 6 of the same jacket in their closet.

 

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