*This is a work of satire
The long running belief that pro skiers are just bums with fresh new gear seems to be inaccurate according to a newly published report by the Internal Revenue Service.
The report in question is just a smaller part of an even larger IRS’ study whose goal was to place average income levels on a variety of “dream professions” across the country. These ‘dream’ careers include sought after positions such as lead singer in a rock & roll band, actors/actress, and you guessed it– professional skier. The pro skier was just a subcategory of the larger parent category of ‘action sports athlete.’
The document, titled “Income Designation For Professional Skiers,” shows that the income garnered directly from professional skiing only amounts to $5,000 dollars on average and consists mostly of physical assets like skis, outerwear kits, and POV cameras.
The report went on to explain that the occupational income difference between the lowest level athlete and highest level pro skier is paltry at best– amounting to a measly $15,000 dollars. But what really stands out is that even though their primary occupation provides little if any substantial income– professional skiers report an average income of $125,000/year.
Of that income, nearly %85 percent comes from family trusts, oil and gas leases, and stock dividends.
Identified as ‘family-based’ income, most professional skiers float by on a lush cushion of assets that range from Coca-Cola dividend to treasury notes.
Unofficial Networks interviewed one such former pro skier who has since requested to remain anonymous. “The guys and girls who are claiming to be pro skiers are just getting by on PO Box paychecks from mommy and daddy– plain and simple. The fact of the matter is I never had to worry about paying rent– not once. I’ll bet you there are only 3 or 4 real dirtbags left in the game.”
When asked if he thinks the study will ruffle feathers amongst the free-ski community he responded blithely saying, “They’re going to keep on being ‘pro skiers’ because they can.
“When they stop, they’ll just be slumlords like me and let me tell you– it ain’t half bad. The only problem is there’s nothing worse than a washed up pro skier blabbing at the bar about when they used to be a washed up pro skier.” – Anonymous Former Pro Skier
Meanwhile, the rest of the report indicated encouraging numbers for other action sports athletes. The average pro skateboarder’s annual salary is nearly twice that of all pro skiers and snowboarders’ individual salaries– combined.
Read more works of unofficial satire HERE