A Jackson Hole local appears to have gone way too far in his appreciation for avalanche safety equipment after 75 year-old Lonnie ‘Left Turn’ Smithers verbally abused a 10 year-old on Halloween for wearing a costume which Smithers referred to as, “clueless.”
The incident occurred on Monday at approximately 6:30 PM, when Sammy Fremont and his father approached 205 Crabtree lane in west Jackson looking for a “trick or treat.” Turns out they received neither and were instead greeted by Smithers who sat on his front porch drinking Rainier beer and handing out Peeps from last Easter to neighborhood kids. However, Sammy would not receive one of the stale treats but instead would receive a verbal lashing to he won’t soon forget.
Sammy approached Mr. Smithers’ and after asking the man “trick or treat,” Mr. Smithers fired back at the child wearing a beacon, onesie and backpack saying, “the only thing you’ll get with that beacon is a short funeral and a shallow grave.”
Sammy Fremont was reportedly dressed in a one-piece while wearing his father’s PIEPS beacon from 1994 in order to look like a “typical Jackson Hole backcountry skier” for Halloween.
Reports indicate that Mr Smithers continued his unhinged rant telling the child, “this is what’s wrong with kids these days; they get a beacon without any avy education and think they go ski the same lines as me.” The child’s father then turned to Smithers and asked the inebriated man, “what the hell is wrong with you?” to which he replied “wrong with me– you’re telling your kid it’s okay to use the same beacon I used back in the 80’s in Valdez… and who the hell are you anyway?”
When reached for comment, Mr. Smithers told Unofficial Networks that if had he seen the child in the ontop of the Headwall with that beacon, he would have “fed that little bastard his own lunch.”
*This is a work of satire