Where Are They Now? Aspen Extreme

Where Are They Now? Aspen Extreme

Skiing

Where Are They Now? Aspen Extreme

aspenextreme

Where Are They Now? Aspen Extreme

TJ Burke: Since winning the Powder 8’s, receiving affirmation as a blossoming ski journalist, and tying down Robin Hand, TJ Burke worked on the staff at Powder Magazine through 1996. Once at Powder, he quickly realized that the skiing is better on a landfill in Detroit than it is in San Clemente, California. After this unfortunate insight and some infidelity on Robin’s part (see below), TJ moved back to the Eight Mile, where he is still the best skier at Mt. Brighton. To this day, TJ wears Dexter Ruetecki’s hat every time he clicks into his skis.

Dexter Ruetecki: Ever since that fateful day, when Dex insisted that “Today… you’re gonna follow me…try and keep up,” TJ Burke has never found a friend quite like Dex. However, TJ never realized Dex had an illegitimate child with Tina, who ended up becoming famed actor Johnny Alves. Better known to the viewing public as Johnny Drama of HBO’s hit series Entourage, Johnny Alves is a skier who knows “if you can ski Hunter Mountain… you can ski anywhere.” As for Dex, he is currently downing “Tequila Slammers” with Doug Coombs and Shane McConkey in heaven. RIP Dex.

Robin Hand: After marrying TJ Burke, Robin Hand left her position at K-High Radio to follow TJ to San Clemente, CA. Serving a short stint as a traffic reporter, Robin finally slept with her boss and received an anchor position at KTLA. That infidelity would eventually lead to their divorce leaving Robin in Southern California while TJ relocated to his birthplace of Detroit, MI. After Robin turned 35, she was promptly fired and now serves as a waitress at The Rainbow Bar and Grill on the Sunset Strip, where there is no off-season.

Aspen Extream

Bryce Kellogg: With a name like that… Bryce continued to serve as the appointed dominatrix of Pitkin County. Her stunning looks, straightforward manner, and Hollywood style led to many a ski instructors’ demise. Ruined friendships and broken hearts followed in her wake but one day Bryce met her match. That match came in the form of young, up and comer Joran van der Sloot. They reportedly vacationed in the Cayman Islands and Bryce was never seen again. I guess she preferred the Caribbean to the Rockies.

Karl Stall: Karl Stall is still serving as the Director of the Aspen Ski School. Sources claim that the Austrian ski professional has told over 562 ski instructors that they are “the best skier on the mountain.” Immediately after telling each wide-eyed instructor about their skiing prowess, something tragic happens to each and every one of them. Even today, you can find Karl behind his desk, making compromises with the new “best skier on the mountain.” He still tells every instructor on the first day of work that “skiing is the easy part,” even though 95% of the tragedies plaguing his ski instructors are friends dying in skier-triggered avalanches.

Franz Hauser: Shortly after TJ’s departure, Franz Hauser re-asserted himself as the “best skier on the mountain.” He regained top billing in ski school and even had a temporary reunion with Bryce Kellogg. However, his redemption was cut short after he reportedly got too friendly with the underage daughter of the wealthy Hansen family during a private Heli-skiing trip. Franz Hauser was subsequently arraigned on indecent exposure charges. According to the son of Mr. and Mrs. Hansen, “Franz is a dick and he tried to show his cock to my sister.”

Todd Pounds: The once Olympic hopeful and TJ Burke’s eventual partner in the Powder 8’s, Todd Pounds was cursed with stardom at an early age. After his win at the Powder 8’s, Todd’s cocaine fueled 20’s lead to him getting fired from ski school and consequently hired on the bowl patrol, cleaning out bathrooms across the slopes of Aspen Snowmass. These days you can find Todd at the Hotel Jerome Bar, dressed in his old ski school attire, rubbing his dusty beak, and recounting the tale of his Powder 8 victory to the daughters of rich Texas oilmen.

 

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