*This is a work of satire.
Teton Village, WY- After a skier broke his femur in the Paint Brush area at Jackson Hole Mountain Resort, 27-year-old Chad Bradley is pursuing legal action against his friend and Teton County resident Ted “Shred” Powell. The lawsuit claims Ted Powell exercised “overt negligence considering the degree of Chad Bradley’s skiing experience.”
According to Mr. Bradley’s lawyer, a Denver based attorney, “we see this type of thing all the time. A novice from Colorado goes up to Wyoming to ski with a friend. The friend tells him there is nothing wrong with his skiing ability. In actuality, he knows that his friend grew up in Alabama and sucks at skiing.”
Although Mr. Bradley declined to comment on the ongoing lawsuit against his friend Mr. Powell, Ted Powell was reached for comment at the Hostel X, speaking somberly while sipping a Pabst Blue Ribbon beer.
“I feel bad for Chad. He busted up his leg up pretty good but It’s like ‘hey dude, I didn’t make you follow me over here but you did. So hop over those rocks and arc some GS turns before the groomer’.” All the while Powell gestured using a flat hand moving side to side to mimic the maneuvers Chad should have executed that day. The attorney later replied to these comments saying:
“Ted had no right taking my client into that area, it’s well known that Chad is a double blue square skier at best. Frankly, Chad was way out of his element.”
The run is marked as a double black diamond.
When asked about negligence, Mr. Powell responded, “NEGLIGENCE!? He asked me to show him around on a POW day… A POW DAY! And if it were anybody else I would have ditched him, lapped the Tram, and maybe shredded a few Rock Springs laps. Instead, I put on my nice guy hat and took him to do a mellow Paintbrush.”
According to eyewitness accounts, Mr. Bradley was standing on top of the prominent cliff section, when he removed his University of Alabama beanie and realized his goggles had fogged and frozen while dangling around his perspiring neck. After putting on his goggles, his vision seemed to be impaired by 98% but his face showed resolve. Giving his buddy Ted a closed fist “pound,” Mr. Bradley turned and asked Ted to take some “footy.” With the camera on, Mr. Bradley turned his tips downhill, immediately lost control, and was unable to self-arrest. On the way down, Mr. Bradley hit rocks, ice, and moguls until he came to a stop on Upper Amphitheater. Reports indicate that Mr. Powell was laughing loudly until Mr. Bradley’s slide came to an end.
“The first thing I thought was ‘man what a good digger’.” said Mr. Powell “but then I realized he wasn’t moving and I could hear him screaming in agony.”
Ski Patrollers were the first on the scene besides Powell.
After stabilizing his leg, the patrollers lifted him into a sled, when Chad said “see you at the clinic buddy” to which Ted responded, “Well I just got a text from Joe and we’re going do a quick Four Pines… I’ll see you at the Moose.”
The lawsuit is ongoing and seeks to reimburse the victim for all medical charges as well as compensate Mr. Bradley for defamation of character. The defamation allegedly occurred after the fact at the Mangy Moose Saloon, where Ted publicly stated that Chad hurt himself “by tomahawking through some pretty easy shit.”
A court date is yet to be set.
*This is a work of satire.