Hopefully this 6 frame Microsoft Paint Production will be simple enough for those who just don't have any common sense in the name of skiing and snowboarding.

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6 Stupid Things People Do In The Terrain Park | Park Etiquette For People Who Haven't a Brain | A Microsoft Paint Production

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Simple DON’Ts in the terrain park:

After a day of riding “spring break” riddled hills this week, I was dismayed with the extreme lack of terrain park etiquette by almost every skier and boarder on the hill. Hopefully this 6 frame Microsoft Paint Production will be simple enough for those who just don’t have any common sense in the name of skiing and snowboarding.

1. Read the sign before?

This one bothers me the most. Fathers skiing around with their 3-year-old sons and daughters would most likely have the utmost concern for the safety of their children, especially after getting the liftie to slow down the chair every time they get on. But instead, they ignore the signs and take their toddlers throughout the biggest parks on the hill, over knuckles of 50ft jumps and between jumps where you can’t see them. Read the sign! Freestyle Skills Required!

2. The Rail Rules:

It seems that these things are magnetic or something, because everyone thinks it’s a good place to stop: before, after and beside. If that’s not bad enough, everyone seems to think the ramp on is a side hit and to smash the sh*t out of it ruining it completely. That’s a big thank you for the terrain park staff who hand groom these things every morning.  The red line is the “10 foot rule” if you’re in it, you better damn well be riding that rail, and if not, get out of there.

3. Cutting A Jump’s Landing:

This one is just asking for decapitation. Once you get past that knuckle, no one can see you and the jump area looks clear. If you’re looking for someone to land on you, then at least consider their health and well being before you go for it. Don’t forget that what’s going to hit you will be going fast, weighing about 150-220 lbs and will be leading with sharp metal edges. Not to mention the dimension of  pissed off directed in your direction afterwards.

4. The “No Real Attempt”:

This one hurts me as well. Roll up to the jump, snake a few people on the way, and roll over the jump, crushing the perfectly groomed lip, and putting no real attempt into actually getting any air. There are plenty of side hits and always a smaller terrain park to learn jumps in so what are you doing ruining a perfect XL jump for everyone else?.

5. #1 Dad + 17897 Kids:

This one is always the worst, causing a complete stop to any line flow you have. For some reason every skier dad at some point takes at least 47 kids into the terrain park with no intent to try any rail or jump features as they all turn nearly 180 degree turns all over the park snaking every possible line. If this isn’t bad enough there is always one kid who decides to take a slide on his bottom down the rail, usually getting stuck trying to get on and ruining the on ramp.

6. The “Half Ass”:

Much like the “No Real Attempt” this is when the convict goes up to the jump and takes a 90 degree turn off the side. Just don’t! It’s makes no sense. Go find some side hits or go to the beginner park where you’ll be way better off actually learning to ride park and hopefully some etiquette too.

 *In conclusion, I don’t have a problem with new people getting into terrain park riding and skiing. I love seeing young riders or older riders with a new fire for jumps and rails and trying new things, in fact I encourage it when I can. But a little common sense goes a long way and the mountain will be 1000000% safer when you use it and understand a bit about using a terrain park.*

 

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50 comments
  • BurnBoy21

    I think you’ve expressed everyone’s feelings about this subject.. Only way it’ll ever stop is if someone’s chillin at the gate letting ppl in the TP or denying them.. It’s so unsafe to have ppl with no reason to be in there..

  • weak

    though this might actually teach me something, but instead just ended up being a rant at non park riders. what a waste of breath. once they ignore rule #1 its all over, just wait for them to clear.

      • weak sauce

        just sayin that once a kook is in the park there’s not much you can do about it, other than avoid them.

    • Skierr Man

      non park riders? i think half the people on unofficial have, and ski park currently. ya we may also be powder hounds but park is the other 30% of riding and skiing these days.

  • Suck at skiing but good at MW3

    Add when those bro bra snowboarders sit at the top for no reason half the day and when people crash they gather their skis and wait around on the landing for 5 mins.

  • a person

    i think they need to have like a control tower somewhere in the park that has views of all the big jumps or any features with blind spots. the park crew would then be able to see which jump are safe or unsafe to hit. then they would put signs visible from the takeoffs of big features that would flash green if the jump if clear or red if it is not. park safety should be no joke but no one seems to take it seriously. im surprised there arent way more collisions as it is

  • Mason

    I worked park crew for the last two years, and it is truly scary how little people are aware of their surroundings in a terrain park. The Dad and kids, sitting on a landing, crossing lanes, and hitting jumps WAY too fast and falling out of the sky; this stuff happens on the reg! I love to see people of various skill levels in the park, but hate to see the ignorance displayed by some of these riders. A big jump line is no different than a freeway, and people still have no idea… Sure spray them, I guess, it’s better then seeing them taken to the hospital in an ambulance!

    • GB

      And yet, nobody bothers to explain this to them in an nonoffensive, “I’m way better than you” way. Keep being fucking pricks, and nothing will improve, douches.

      • WhAmo

        Read the fucking sign at the entrance to the park. That is the point of this post/ rant. It will tell you the size of the features. From that the skier/ rider should be able to asses their own ability. Next step: drop in and have fun or bail and have a good run on something within their ability.
        The problem is not the park rats, lamp shades, snowboarders or the skiers. The problem is people skiing through the gates, past the sign, pass all the riders waiting to drop and treating the terrain park as an open trail where you can think only of yourself and group. There is plenty or varied terrain around the rest of the mountian.
        If your not riding the park stay the fuck off the run for you and your groups safety.

      • Eric Behn

        I’ll give you an example from the day that caused me to write this article. I saw a father and wife with their young daughter in the L/XL park at my local hill, taking s turns in and around the 45 and 40 foot jumps, then stop dead centre on the knuckle of the second jump where anyone dropping in from the top of the line would not have seen them. They were in a position where they put both themselves and anyone hitting the jump in extreme risk of collision and grave injury. I saw them at the top of the park a run or so later and told them very nicely “You should not be riding through here, it is an advanced terrain park and riding in here is dangerous.” the first thing they said back was oh, I didn’t realize this was a terrain park. This is what we deal with every day.

      • surfer joe

        I see the same thing all the time and Im guessing 99% of gapers dont read unofficial so dont count on anything changing anytime soon…. but good luck getting the message out. After many years of dealing with kooks in the surf lineup, Ive come to realize they are here to stay, and getting frustrated and angry at them ultimately causes me even more suffering. The best approach is good humor, openly mock them and offer helpful advice, but dont get angry or let them ruin your day. Avoid them, give them space, tell them to go away when necessary, and pray to god they dont cause injury to themselves or others.

      • sage

        dude, totally know what you’re talking about, surf kooks are the worst… clueless folks are everywhere, don’t let them get you down.

  • midwest transplant

    it is an issue that will never be fully fixed, but when i was a lifty at Snow Creek in Missouri, we had a rule that if you were on rental equipment you were not allowed in the park and oh boy did patrol enforce it. If you were caught 2x your ticket was pulled. the kids with rental gear hated it, but i was great for the rest of us.

  • theNW

    my home resort requires a test to be taken and a special “terrain park” sticker on your pass to even ride the park, wish more resorts would use this. One person up top making sure everyone in there belongs is a lot easier than 4-5 park crew constantly fixing fucked up features

    • Will

      is that stevens pass… thats the only mountain i know of where they actually do that and its a great idea

    • EC skier

      watchusetts does this as well. but they have a shit park infested with dumb city folk so it kinda makes sense.

  • dontbeakook

    keep the fuckin kooks OUT! and about landing on people, holy fuck. just because you “never fall” and have tricks on lock doesn’t mean u can drop in as I’m taking off the fucking jump [mammoth and bear mostly]. some fag who sure had his 360s dailed nearly killed me when I landed a rodeo 9 at 810 and ate it, seen this happen a lot. I like the tower idea, or just some common fucking sense

  • *HEY SQUAW KIDS SCHOOL*

    PLEASE TAKE NOTE! It is downright ridiculous to see you everywhere in the terrain parkz.

    If you are not teaching your goddamn 20 billion member gang of age 5 and under grommits terrain park skillz, PLEASE also follow the above guidelines.

  • J-TRO

    Some of these problems are mountain-wide. Every now and then I’ll come across people parked below a roller/steeply dropping section of fast blue runs (I know no one else here skis them but Colorado has had a rough year). It’s easy to catch air and end up in the middle of people who stopped in mid-trail, totally hidden from view.

  • jo

    This is why I stay in the trees and pow. park rats are always on their periods. either whining or acting gangsta. maybe they could go pro if they would spend more time focusing on their skiing. notice how most of the real park pros are chill dudes, low on the bro scale.

      • Skierr Man

        GB why the hate??? do you realize park skiing actually makes you a better skier in all aspects? I ski park any day that it isn’t powder and guess what i love it! Do i love park more than big lines and powder….. HELL NO! i’d rather be ripping the trees in waste deep any day, but park is fun! It teaches you air awareness, balance, body control, endurance, flexibility, confidence….. EVERYTHING that helps you become a better skier. i’m sure my park days have helped me become 5 times the skier than i ever would have if i hadn’t skied park. Your ignorance just shows how dumb you are and how little you know about skiing

  • Mr. Cushing

    Don’t be afraid to approach people, just be nice about it. The problem with stupid people, is that they don’t know theyre being stupid. Same goes with asshole bro brahs though. They don’t know they’re being a-holes, they just think they are being the raddest skier on the mountain.

  • The Sauce

    As previously mentioned, I also have no problem with people trying to learn and improve their park skills. It’s the dads with their 4 year olds slaloming down landings and the people who stand in the most ridiculous places that make me aggravated. I always hear people say, “just hit those kooks if they are standing in the way,” but I don’t want to get hurt because some idiot doesn’t have park etiquette. If somebody is trying to learn something or just gets bucked and falls, I will usually wait patiently or just hit a different feature. I would love to see some sort of test or qualification system that prevents these types of issues… just as I would love to see a boat license be required for anyone that buys a boat.

    • Anonymous

      Have you ever politely appoached the dad and suggested you would be happy to explain some of the etiquette?

  • Skierr Man

    simple solution. make anyone wanting to ride the large and XL parks complete some sort of “test” or watch a video, and only allow those who have done so into the big parks. I’m pretty sure anyone who wants to ski the bigger terrain parks would have NO PROBLEM doing this in order to keep non park skiers and 500 kids out of there way. I get snaked on every other line these days, and no matter how many times I politely tell parents and gapers what they are doing is wrong and that they are putting themselves in danger they don’t seem to care! Make riding the big parks a privilege, not a right!

  • park bro

    great article. on the east coast its ridiculous there are more gapers than anyone in the park. I swear there are kids who think its the coolest to get a foot of air off a rail kicker. I have no problem teaching and with beginner riders, we’ve all been there, but have some common sense and courtesy

  • Veruca Salt

    You guys are all the coolest most self-aware people on the planet and never do know wrong. Never cut peoples lines, never ski too fast on a crowded mountain run, never poach someone waiting for the ramp or rail to clear, never. You never straight line shit without checking to see if someone next to or in front of you is ripping fat super g turns in the fresh, never. You’re all so fucking perfect.

  • Gaper Asshole

    No freestyle skills here. Where can I buy some so you cunts will let me in the park so, you know, I can work on freestyle skills? what a bunch of whiney cunts. Don’t forget to change your tampons and douche regularly douchebags

  • Anonymous

    Riding the lift with a 20ish park guy in the Northstar park we asked him how it was going. “great” But so far he had broken bones 20 times!

  • mdskier

    Riding the lift with a 20ish park guy in the Northstar park we asked him how it was going. “great” But so far he had broken bones 20 times!

  • BoGnar

    Go ride pow, cliffs and other natural features. You won’t find pops and 145873 kids tearing up anything like that.
    Or just keep wining like a bunch of spoiled brats that “your” line just got poached by some gapers.

    Your all queers and squaw sucks.
    Your mom gives the best head

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