by Thomas Como Top 10 Reasons You’re a Gaper #10. Neon – Unless you are wearing an outfit that your sponsors fitted you in, give it up. There is a reason its retro. #9. Rear Entry Boots – The only time the words rear entry should be spoken is in the bedroom. #8. Ski Boots during Apres – Nothing says you’re a gaper more than the poor planning of not having after ski shoes at your disposal.

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Top 10 Reasons You're A Gaper

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Gaper day at Whistler. photo: jamie bond

by Thomas Como

Top 10 Reasons You’re A Gaper

 

#10.  Neon – Unless you are wearing an outfit that your sponsors fitted you in, give it up. There is a reason its retro.

#9.  Rear Entry Boots – The only time the words rear entry should be spoken is in the bedroom.

#8.  Ski Boots during Apres – Nothing says you’re a gaper more than the poor planning of not having after ski shoes at your disposal.

#7.  Stupid Questions – Where’s the machine that makes all them moguls? How about what planet are you from?

#6.  Skiing with a backpack – What the fu*k is in the pack? You’re not Scot Schmidt and FYI, just cause you have a bunch of straps hanging off your pack does not make you look like a mountaineer.

gapetastic

#5.  Portable Radios – If you have to be in touch with your friends and family that bad, are you really on vacation? Ditch the leash ya gaper.

#4.  Balaclavas – Really? And don’t think you’re off the hook if you’re swapping it out with a bandanna.

#3.  Camel Backs – Hey guys, you’re skiing at a resort. If you’re ever more than 1 chair ride from a bar or drinking fountain…. you’re lost.

#2.  Skiing in Jeans – Unless accompanied with your Starter Jacket from 1991, you’re a gaper.

#1.  License Plates – If you live in west of the Rockies and you have Vermont, New Hampshire, New York or Ontario license plates, you’re a gaper!

 

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200 comments
  • Smitty

    Did I miss the meeting? Is gaper the new word for poser, which was the new word for newbie, which replaced cherry?

  • YourRealDad

    What a lame fucking list. You’d have to be a gaper to actually judge people by the shit they wear and their license plate rather than by how they ski. Was this written by a pre-teen? And why the fuck would I want to take my skis off and go into the lodge every time I get thirsty or want a snack when I can just open my pack on the lift and eat, drink, and smoke. I prefer to be skiing, not sucking off dudes in the lodge like the twink who wrote this joke.

  • Clancy

    I always have a small backpack… I like to hold extra stuff or have a place to put layer I take off. Also I’m not going to spend $10 on an apple from the resort I’m going to bring my own. And the license plate thing is stupid, being from out of town does not make you a poor skier.

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  • Skinut

    Your not a gaper if you’r posting in June because you are having ski withdrawals and trying to find anything about skiing to hold you over till next snowfall.

    Put up or Shut up… If you can shred you can do it any way you want…
    And that includes neons and a mohock…

    ( have no idea how to spell mohock :-)

  • Anon

    #6 is idiotic, both my parents were patrollers at park city, and yet they always ski with packs and camelbacks, easy access to more clothes, sack lunch, and other things. Plus who wants to stop every other run to get water from a fountain, camelbacks and water bottles make sense. And don’t even get me started on how dumb these are for backcoutry skiers.

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